Seaside

Here is the view from our room at Seaside Oregon over the weekend.  We were on the fifth floor of the Best Western Oceanside.  It was breathtaking and so refreshing. 

A Sweet Pea Update

Earlier I told of the kitty that started coming around and has learned our feeding times.  Now it seems everyday she gets more comfortable with us.  This warms my heart since winter is coming.  Perhaps she will trust us enough to allow us to provide some kind of shelter for her.  Now she shows up around 7:00 and whereas 9:00 was the appointed treat time, she has upped it quite a bit. 
Now we can sit with her as she eats and as she eats she keeps one eye on the feeder at all times ready to run from whatever threat her instincts tell her might be there.  Ever so closely we have been able to be.
Three days ago I held my breath when my hand brushed the top of her.  As she went down 2 steps she looked at me as if to say, "Do you mind?"  She keeps coming closer and I am realizing that patience in love is always a good thing.  She reminds me that some have been so abused and misused and seem invisible that the mere touch is a threat.  These are the ones that I must be patient with and know that their world is filled with pain and going without whereas mine has been gratefully filled with comfort and reassurance. 

To those that are in my life that God has planted I will be patient.  My love that comes deep from the heart of heaven can wait for you to be able to let my love in.  I will not push.  I will give you room.  But know that even from over here I love you deeply. 

"A Good Day" With Brother David Steindl-Rast

Sounds of Main Street

Since Jim and I live on Main Street I can sometimes hear the strangest things.  I hear the music from the Karaoke bar down the street.  I hear Mexican music sometimes from the park.  I hear bells from our windchimes but I hear other bells too.  They drift across the lawn of the park and across the few lots to my window.  I hear drag racing.  Just now as a matter of fact.  I hear the industrial sized heat pump from the next roof and I hear alley cats fighting over the food I put out to keep them full and secure and out of the garbage.  I hear conversations that would probably never want to be overheard and I hear the single man that spends way too many nights down at the pub on his way home as he sings a funny song. I hear every kind of horn on every car.  Right now someone is laying on their horn beckoning someone to "get back in the car!"  It sounds like a toy car horn and I have to go see what kind of car makes that sad beep.  Strangely it was from a tiny pickup.  I know the difference between a police siren, a fire engine siren and an ambulance.  I hear the cows mooing as they are mingling about at the Livestock commission.
I hear car radios and very large trucks carrying milk to the processing plant.  I hear planes and trains and say a prayer whenever I hear the life flight overhead, the next door shop has the funniest bell notifying the back entrance has just been used.  I hear my own clock and the clock at the Catholic church a couple of blocks away.
In the middle of the night (and I don't care whether you believe it or not so don't bother telling me if you don't) voices and conversations that seem to come out of the walls.  Tender sweet conversations that are so close to me understanding their words but never quite there. 
This summer I heard many a bat flying down my hall.  I hear Oliver either chasing one of those or lately a bug from outside that will meet its demise and I hear Mickey pretending to be in some kind of great battle as she tears around every corner. 
In the morning I can hear the dryer downstairs as the tanning salon hums and flows.  I hear Randy watering the flowers and conversing with Kathy as they review their weekend doings.
I hear people coming and going and whistling and humming and instructions yelled across the street for an extra crispy french fry order.
But late at night is when I hear the best.  It is so quiet and yet so noisy.  I wonder if I could ever live where it is quiet. I can't recall ever living somewhere in a "normal" neighborhood where folks mostly complain about a dog barking in the middle of the night.  Now that is one thing I don't hear very often at all.  Strange.  I wonder what I would do if I lived somewhere where there was no noise. 
A couple of months ago I heard God speak to me.  Perhaps that was not a voice that others would hear.  Perhaps He spoke to my heart but I heard Him nevertheless. 
Methinks this is a good thing.  A place where I can listen and hear.  That works for me.  Many folks would not be able to endure it.  I get that.  But for me I hear the best when there is so much to hear.
There is a jet flying overhead.  I wonder where they are headed.  Me?  I am headed to bed.

Beauty

Aren't these luscious?  My sweet sister got these for me the other day at the Farmer's Market.  There are so many they barely fit in the vase and I have to be careful otherwise they will fall over!
I love Fall and all its blessings including explosions like this.  Thanks Dinane!

Gracey is one!!!

What a fun day.  I cannot believe it's been a year!  With her pig tails that remind me so of her mother when she was so small and fairy wings, wand and tutu she was the bell of the ball.  She had a blast so the rest of us did too. 
All the girls received tutus, wands and wings of their own and the boys received shields and swords. I think the idea was for them to protect the fairy princesses but knowing boys and girls, it was a slightly different story.  But all had fun and Gracey most of all.

Who is that bald guy?

I can't believe I forgot to post Jim's picture after shaving his head.  I am now getting used to it but the first day he did it I was not happy.  Being forewarned I got even more wound up about it.  This was a great lesson for me. 
Do I have the right to tell anyone (including the person I live with) how they get to express themselves?  Do I get to demand a defined set of behavior?  I realize now how healthy it is to allow Jim to express himself as he sees fit.  I am not proud of the fact that I had threatened him saying "I will never go out to dinner with you like that."  I swiftly took it back when I got hungry the second day.
Jim will continue this maintenance program as long as he wants.  But there will come a day when this constant shaving will get old.  In the mean time, I have come to like it.  As strange as that sounds, I have decided to like him no matter how he looks.  And he doesn't look bad.
I like the nickname one of my more demure clients called him.  It's one of my favorites and I think it sticks.
Slick.

Can you hear the laughter?

Getting back into life...

For some time now I have carried burdens around and gulped them down as if I believed they actually would stay down. And yet they rear their head for they are unresolved and unlearned lessons that ought to be embraced instead of pushed aside. I push them aside because my limited perspective will not allow my eyes to see the entire picture. So I go to fear instead of trust.
God asks us to do things sometimes easy, sometimes crazy sounding, sometimes heart-wrenching. Why? Because He wants to see how much pain we will endure in trusting Him? Because He loves to see His children squirm? Because we have done something wrong and therefore He must chastise? No! He does all things for my learning, for me to draw close to Him, for me to learn that He is dependable and can see way farther than my limited eyesight is able.
So God told me to do something. Something painful and difficult. Something that I could not swallow. And then He asked me to trust Him. Simply trust. And wait for further instructions.
"Will You make it so clear that even my fearful heart will know when it is time and how it will be? Can I trust You that You know me so well that You know I cannot stand too long of a wait for anything? Will You comfort me as I have sleepless nights and cry tears that cannot find an end?"
God simply desires for me to recieve His promptings, accept them so we can get a move on. But I had to agonize first. Stupid yes, but understandable.
Yes, He made it clear. Yes, He surrounded me with unconditional love from those this would directly affect. I have no words to describe the love I feel for them.
And so I go forth. Like entering the fog I go where He has told me to go. He will show me my steps as they appear before me. I need not fear the rest of the path. He knows the way.

Dear George,

You came to us disguised as severely close to death. Lack of water and food made you so skinny that I cried buckets when I saw you. Because you would not eat we had to feed you for a month until we jumped up and down with glee when you finally ate on your own. So many days we wondered "What will George eat today? Will he like this kind of food? Or this kind?" Often you would change your mind about what you would eat and what you would not in the same day. But because everytime we picked you up you leaned in and let us love on you like no other cat I had experienced before. Perhaps it was gratitude. Perhaps the family that lost you already knew how amazing you were. I said many prayers for them so that they would be at peace knowing that somehow George was being loved. What was your name before you came to us? We never knew but you grew to love your name and looked around everytime someone said it. Every family has one of those that is a little "touched." You were ours. That made you even more lovable. So simple. So easy. So much.
Thank you for loving Jim so well. He is different since you came to us. His heart is bigger because of you. And mine too.
Your place is empty and we mourn that so often. We find comfort that you are not hungry anymore. We find solace that you know how much we love you.
We miss you.
Love,
Mom and Dad