Monday, March 21, 2011


Jim and I just celebrated our 19th anniversary.  19 years on the 19th!  What a ride it has been and continues to be.  I honor my decision to ask Jim to marry me all those years ago because it was one of the most genius moves I have ever made.  Jim harassed me (yes.  harassed.) to marry him.  After asking me with a ring, asking me over the phone, asking me in a card, asking me every single day to marry him he finally gave up.  He asked so many times his heart couldn't handle it anymore.   So he told me that when I knew what I was going to do then I would have to ask him. 
Have you ever had your head struck with what seems like a cast iron frying pan?  That's how it was for me.  So obvious was it that I asked immediately and he was stunned.  We married two months and a few days later.  So many were heartbroken at this decision.  But that was yesterday and today is today so no more of those memories.  For it was genius. 
Jim would go to the ends of the earth for me.  If I said I desperately needed a new car he would break his back to get it for me.  If I said I wanted some ice cream, some dinner, some money, some act of cleaning, some repair he will do it completely.  With no hesitation and no complaint.  He is willing.  And yet if I ask him to not wear something that expresses himself or grow his hair back or not be honest he will never comply.  He honors himself implicitly and I love that about him.  Even when others crumble under pressure from everywhere, Jim will only act when he is inspired to or when his heart allows.  He will never be someone else for you.  He loves and honors himself way too much for that.
He honors me as well.  He expects nothing less than for me to honor myself above him.  Just when I thought I had this relationship thing figured out he challenges it and expects me to honor me above him.  Then and only then can I be the authentic woman I am to be with him.
I have chosen wisely.  Those days when you see me annoyed with him it is usually because he is asking and expecting me to be my best and what I know I am to be and I don't want to.  Or because I want him to be something else besides who he truly is and he will not comply.  Sometimes he simply screws up.  Big deal.  So do I.
Happy Anniversary Baby.  It has been a journey.  Can't wait to see what is next.  I love you. 

Friday, March 18, 2011

Amiah did it again.

The other day I was inspired to show Ammon and Amiah all the places in Twin Falls that I have lived.  I was suprised at how many places I have had my dwelling.  One of the magical places I have lived was out in the country 6 miles from town in a rented farm house.  There were barns, outbuildings, horses, sometimes pigs, chickens, dogs, cats, and an enormous garden. 
As we headed out to the farm the kids were fascinated that we had lived so far out.  "What about the mall?  What about the grocery store or the movies or going to a friend's house?"  After so many questions I realized it is unique to my own grandchildren how I was raised.  They find it fascinating and a little scary. 
As we crossed the second canal (which was a landmark for me as a child) I showed them the remains of the house where the landowners lived.  Now it just a pile of old stone and dirt.  I pointed out the place and told them "This is where the owners lived and we lived in the farm house way down there."  As I pointed I looked at this grand big house and almost held my breath.  There are no more outbuildings or barns.  Only this big house standing alone.  This house was a place where I learned so many things about myself.  It was a magic house to me.
So we headed down to the house and slowed down as we passed.  I noted the very large wrap around porch and showed them the window to my room.  I told them quickly.  They weren't getting it and I tend to shy away from sharing magical memories with ones who are limited to share it.  Not that it matters in the spiritual nature of me, but I just tend to keep those things close to me and those that really get it.  And they were not getting it.  I think they were literally terrified at this final showing of places where I had laid my head and they were quite frankly sad for me!  Ha!  In their limited experiences this just simply looked horrid to them.
But the final question broke my melancholy visitation and took me to gut rolls.
Amiah looking quite confused asked again "So those people owned this house and lived down there?  Why did they let you live here?"  I explained how rentals worked and if someone owns more than one house they usually rent it out and use that money for extra income.  I explained this in short order.  Still confused she asked,
"Why wouldn't they live here instead of down the road in that pile of rocks?"

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Bowling on the deck

Darn.  I didn't take a picture but today Amiah and Ammon and I bowled on the deck.  We got out the kids bowling set and made a bowling alley.  The weather was a-ma-zing.  So beautiful.  So we took turns and the first try Amiah did not succeed.  She does NOT live by the motto "If at first you don't succeed...try try again."  She thinks "If at first I don't succeed I won't play anymore."  It was fun.  Ammon and I bowled for awhile.  Then we blew bubbles.  Then we threw items off the deck and Amiah retrieved most of them.
Then we played cards.  Amiah won.  A lot.  So she kept playing.  Then we played a different card game and Amiah lost and so...yep.  She quit.  She is so funny spending so much of her time making her life a "get over it" time instead of just laugh at it.
She reminds me of me.  She is so hard on herself and so am I.  So, I love on her and laugh with her or at least encourage her to laugh.  I tell her how amazing she is and how perfect it all is and winning is nothing but laughing is everything.  I am preaching to myself as well and then we laugh together.  I, who will never take a tease from anyone except my grandkids, will tease and joke and let loose.  I get why these beautiful people are in my life.  I get to let loose and lighten up on myself and be me and they love it and I love it and them.
Thank you dear God for sending these wonderful lovers of my soul that have come here right now to allow me to learn what no one else has successfully taught me.  All those wonderful souls that stood up for me and believed in me were no match for these fine faces that simply want to be with me.
Be.  With me. 
So I will be.  Whoever I am with.  My grandkids are very good teachers.