That last post bit me in the butt. Yep. I am now having such a time of getting to the top of my days lately. What? I have such bad news surrounding me? No. Impending doom yet to turn the corner? I don't know. I have a burden to carry? Nope. Instead I feel like it is a burden I get to throw off. And yet, I like it for the moment. It's a burden I have carried almost my entire life and now I see it is a burden where before I thought it was the way it was. A fact of life. A trueness. But it's not. It's not true, real or factual. I must have made it up and then decided that it was true for everyone and no wonder I have been disappointed when others don't play by that rule. I cannot be disappointed as they (others) have consistently been living true and it is I that have been in the dark. Crap.
I cannot share the thing I have held as it is too intimate, too personal. But what I am willing to share is that when faced with truth and another's real feelings about it I must make a choice to honor it instead of stay in my crossed-arm-across-my-chest demand that I have my way. When I ask for the truth and it is given, will I choose to hate it or love it? Do I choose to accept it and move in another direction other than my pretend real or do I want to stay in my lala land? I like my lala land. So I could stay. But then, I would be on the outside of truth and that will not serve me.
Lord, create in me a clean heart. Cleanse me of this demand to have it my way. Wipe the slate clean so that I can see the truth and love it. Thank you.
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