Life lately has taken a turn.  I am feeling so full.  I have feelings that seem to overwhelm me and take over.  I am overwhelmed at the moment because one of my friends is facing so much trial right now.  Her face is filled with torment and sorrow.  It is difficult to bear seeing her and I can't imagine how difficult it is to bear being in her own skin.  I have no words.  She doesn't want any.  I can only bear witness to this pain she lives in.
When I see others pain sometimes I am reminded of times when I have felt deep pain.  Never have I had to bear the pain of burying a close loved one except those of my dear pets.  When I visit these past feelings of dark despair, loneliness or abandonment I realize that I am not there anymore.  It is the beauty of forgetfulness that accompanies healing.  And healing is gradual.  It grows over like a wound in scar mode.  Eventually there may be a mark and the remembrance of the hurt, but very rarely can one remember the actual pain.
And so I know that with this hurt of my friend I have nothing to offer except that I will bear with her and watch the gradual layer upon layer of healing that must take place.  I will encourage this healing and stand by her as the wound begins to close up and become less and less of a threat, a reminder.
I nevertheless feel so worthless to this effort of healing in another's life.
These are things that I have pondered lately.  Yes, life is pure and whole and sweet.  Yes, my home is warm and inviting and filled with calm peacefulness and cat fur.  But there is this constant weight.  This burden of others that I has required me to learn to cope with.  This pain is not mine and yet in the love of others I tend to feel with them.  Does this help?  Can it take some of the pain away?  Is it mine to feel?  Must I continue with these dark helpless nights of sleeplessness as if this is my loved one that has passed? 

Lord, I come to You
Let my heart be changed, renewed
Flowing from the grace that I found in You
Lord, I've come to know
the weaknesses I see in me
will be stripped away
By the power of Your love
Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near, draw me to your side
And as I wait,
I'll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on
In the power of Your love.

This is my prayer, the song that goes with me in the night.  It raises up to the heavens and I pray that it will bring some healing, some balm to those around me that are in the midst of life-altering events.  I also pray that I will learn my perfect place in standing with my friends when their times of trial or difficulty weigh heavy in their lives.  I offer my heart, Lord.  Hold me close.