The ages

I took an old lady out to lunch the other day.  Seriously.  I can say "an old lady" because she truly is and would consider herself as such.  She is 92.  She still drives, still has an upstairs apartment, still takes care of herself for the most part.  She has definite ideas about how things are and how she wants her surroundings.  She is tenacious about her home and set on the color she wants on her nails.  She would love to be included in conversations but unfortunately cannot hear most.  She has a great sense of humor and laughs at herself along with prodding others with a joke.  Her body wants to stop and seize up and she will simply not allow it.  Her fingers are riddled with arthritis and every ring she can get on.  Her jewelry will wear out and not stay in the box.  Her hair will always be done at the same time and she will always have a shampoo set and the ocassional perm with the same color toner. 
Some have considered her overbearing and pushy as a younger woman.  I say that is the very reason she is still alive and kicking.
She has taught me so much.  Her family has taught me as well.  You see, the very time that I think I know why someone is so headstrong and stubborn my impression will usually be incorrect.  When this lady will say "You have to leave now?  I so wish you could stay" she does not mean that your visit isn't good enough and that you will never be as pleasing to her as you would like.  She is merely saying "I have so loved your visit and I just don't want it to come to an end."
And when she says "I never have company.  I want the holidays to be over because they make me sad" she is not saying that she is a humbug.  She is remembering all the other holidays in her life when she was surrounded by so many that have now passed on.  She remembers her husband, mother, father, siblings, cousins.  She is the only one left.  She is simply reminded at the holidays that she is "alone".
Her family feels that she has judged them.  Her family feels that their actions are never enough, never to her liking.  I have learned that she is simply incapable of stating things in any other way.  She will choose her words as she always has her entire long life.
I see the strength in her when others may see her weakness.  When her body will not perform or the door that she is attempting to open will simply not budge since it weighs more than she does she is not weak.  She is simply frail in body but such strength in her being.  She has to be a realist at this stage.  Fantasy will not serve her now.  Reality is her friend. 
What strength it must take to rise every morning, greet the day and choose in.  So many "greater" ones have chosen out. 
I admire this cantankerous set-in-her-ways lady.  I love her home.  It echoes of all that have held items there literally through the ages.  Her tenacity rings in my heart and she teaches me.
So I will not neglect the simple time to take her to lunch, cut her steak, pack her to-go box, sit and visit in her sweet apartment and eat whatever treat she chooses to give me.  I will send her a card in the mail because that is what she accustomed to.  Mail.  In the mailbox.
Every time I see her I choose to learn.  I choose to love her and honor her.
Sharing it seals the deal.
 

The snow last week...

Finally...

Oliver and Mickie finally got their stocking presents. 

                                                 Oliver was sooooooo happy.

"I love my toys.  Thank you Santa."

Cat Nip Theif

I heard some tinkling in the other room...went in to see what it was...

 It was the infamous Oliver...not only bat killer extraordinaire...but stocking stuffer theif as well.

He doesn't even look or act sorry at all.  And he wasn't.  Until I took it away and put his stocking out of reach.

kung fu santa 002

My 100th post...

So...what to write for my 100th post?

Being close to Thanksgiving I realize the same thing every year and more and deeper each year.  I am blessed.  I am covered with blessings.  I am drowning in them.  I breathe them in and I can smell the happiness.  For the blessings that I am truly grateful for have very little to do with my things...my stuff.  I am grateful for them, don't get me wrong.  But they are usually very short lived when it comes to deep true happiness. 
Now I realize that I am grateful for good sleep.  For peaceful nights.  For hearts to continually beat inside the chest of those I really love. 
I appreciate how a good movie can change the way I view tragedy or love.  Or a really great book. 
I am grateful when my husband arrives home safely in the bad weather.
I am so thankful for creativity and sparks of ideas that press in and I must comply immediately for fear they will leave and never return.
I love music.  I love how it touches my soul and breaks me open to feel something words cannot express.
I am so happy when a dear friend or family ends the phone conversation with the words "I love you."
I am thankful that all the things my heart holds dear and all the things I know not and all the people that desire peace and health are all in the sweet hands of God.  I am thankful I have learned to trust Him.  Most of the time.  And when I worry it is perfect because that brings me to my knees which is a great place to be.
I love the times when I laugh till I cry and the times when I cry and my husband makes me laugh.
I love the babies that grow into the most amazing people that I have ever met.  Ever.

And there is my 100th post.

I am thankful you took the time to read it.  I am thankful for you.

Poltergeist?

Nope.  Not a poltergeist.  Jim was simply looking for a band aid.  But that is how he left it.

It snowed today.

It snowed today.  I know this because my butt hurts.  My butt hurts because this morning as Jim left to go downstairs to massage an early morning client he noticed that our alley cat Sweet Pea was there.  Usually she doesn't show up in the mornings so he came back to tell me.  He knew I would want to give her something to eat.  And I did.  So I got out of bed and headed to the back door.  I opened the door and stepped out with my left foot and noticed at the same time that it had snowed and realized how slick the door mat was from the icy surface.  Instantaneously I found myself doing the splits.  I didn't know I could do those anymore.  So Jim below had heard the thud and hollered "what was that?"  I remarked that I had fallen.  "Are you OK?  That was pretty loud."
Yes, I am OK (I think) and do you really have to remark about the sound I make when slamming down on a hard slick surface?  Really?
I took my wet sore body back inside and immediately took some ibuprofen.  Starting to stiffen up now. 
Pain reminds me I am alive.  Very very alive.

Hoodie

Colder weather requires warmer clothes.

Keep your ears warm and dry.

Wear your hoodie.

Love, Mom

Seaside

Here is the view from our room at Seaside Oregon over the weekend.  We were on the fifth floor of the Best Western Oceanside.  It was breathtaking and so refreshing. 

A Sweet Pea Update

Earlier I told of the kitty that started coming around and has learned our feeding times.  Now it seems everyday she gets more comfortable with us.  This warms my heart since winter is coming.  Perhaps she will trust us enough to allow us to provide some kind of shelter for her.  Now she shows up around 7:00 and whereas 9:00 was the appointed treat time, she has upped it quite a bit. 
Now we can sit with her as she eats and as she eats she keeps one eye on the feeder at all times ready to run from whatever threat her instincts tell her might be there.  Ever so closely we have been able to be.
Three days ago I held my breath when my hand brushed the top of her.  As she went down 2 steps she looked at me as if to say, "Do you mind?"  She keeps coming closer and I am realizing that patience in love is always a good thing.  She reminds me that some have been so abused and misused and seem invisible that the mere touch is a threat.  These are the ones that I must be patient with and know that their world is filled with pain and going without whereas mine has been gratefully filled with comfort and reassurance. 

To those that are in my life that God has planted I will be patient.  My love that comes deep from the heart of heaven can wait for you to be able to let my love in.  I will not push.  I will give you room.  But know that even from over here I love you deeply. 

"A Good Day" With Brother David Steindl-Rast

Sounds of Main Street

Since Jim and I live on Main Street I can sometimes hear the strangest things.  I hear the music from the Karaoke bar down the street.  I hear Mexican music sometimes from the park.  I hear bells from our windchimes but I hear other bells too.  They drift across the lawn of the park and across the few lots to my window.  I hear drag racing.  Just now as a matter of fact.  I hear the industrial sized heat pump from the next roof and I hear alley cats fighting over the food I put out to keep them full and secure and out of the garbage.  I hear conversations that would probably never want to be overheard and I hear the single man that spends way too many nights down at the pub on his way home as he sings a funny song. I hear every kind of horn on every car.  Right now someone is laying on their horn beckoning someone to "get back in the car!"  It sounds like a toy car horn and I have to go see what kind of car makes that sad beep.  Strangely it was from a tiny pickup.  I know the difference between a police siren, a fire engine siren and an ambulance.  I hear the cows mooing as they are mingling about at the Livestock commission.
I hear car radios and very large trucks carrying milk to the processing plant.  I hear planes and trains and say a prayer whenever I hear the life flight overhead, the next door shop has the funniest bell notifying the back entrance has just been used.  I hear my own clock and the clock at the Catholic church a couple of blocks away.
In the middle of the night (and I don't care whether you believe it or not so don't bother telling me if you don't) voices and conversations that seem to come out of the walls.  Tender sweet conversations that are so close to me understanding their words but never quite there. 
This summer I heard many a bat flying down my hall.  I hear Oliver either chasing one of those or lately a bug from outside that will meet its demise and I hear Mickey pretending to be in some kind of great battle as she tears around every corner. 
In the morning I can hear the dryer downstairs as the tanning salon hums and flows.  I hear Randy watering the flowers and conversing with Kathy as they review their weekend doings.
I hear people coming and going and whistling and humming and instructions yelled across the street for an extra crispy french fry order.
But late at night is when I hear the best.  It is so quiet and yet so noisy.  I wonder if I could ever live where it is quiet. I can't recall ever living somewhere in a "normal" neighborhood where folks mostly complain about a dog barking in the middle of the night.  Now that is one thing I don't hear very often at all.  Strange.  I wonder what I would do if I lived somewhere where there was no noise. 
A couple of months ago I heard God speak to me.  Perhaps that was not a voice that others would hear.  Perhaps He spoke to my heart but I heard Him nevertheless. 
Methinks this is a good thing.  A place where I can listen and hear.  That works for me.  Many folks would not be able to endure it.  I get that.  But for me I hear the best when there is so much to hear.
There is a jet flying overhead.  I wonder where they are headed.  Me?  I am headed to bed.

Beauty

Aren't these luscious?  My sweet sister got these for me the other day at the Farmer's Market.  There are so many they barely fit in the vase and I have to be careful otherwise they will fall over!
I love Fall and all its blessings including explosions like this.  Thanks Dinane!

Gracey is one!!!

What a fun day.  I cannot believe it's been a year!  With her pig tails that remind me so of her mother when she was so small and fairy wings, wand and tutu she was the bell of the ball.  She had a blast so the rest of us did too. 
All the girls received tutus, wands and wings of their own and the boys received shields and swords. I think the idea was for them to protect the fairy princesses but knowing boys and girls, it was a slightly different story.  But all had fun and Gracey most of all.

Who is that bald guy?

I can't believe I forgot to post Jim's picture after shaving his head.  I am now getting used to it but the first day he did it I was not happy.  Being forewarned I got even more wound up about it.  This was a great lesson for me. 
Do I have the right to tell anyone (including the person I live with) how they get to express themselves?  Do I get to demand a defined set of behavior?  I realize now how healthy it is to allow Jim to express himself as he sees fit.  I am not proud of the fact that I had threatened him saying "I will never go out to dinner with you like that."  I swiftly took it back when I got hungry the second day.
Jim will continue this maintenance program as long as he wants.  But there will come a day when this constant shaving will get old.  In the mean time, I have come to like it.  As strange as that sounds, I have decided to like him no matter how he looks.  And he doesn't look bad.
I like the nickname one of my more demure clients called him.  It's one of my favorites and I think it sticks.
Slick.

Can you hear the laughter?

Getting back into life...

For some time now I have carried burdens around and gulped them down as if I believed they actually would stay down. And yet they rear their head for they are unresolved and unlearned lessons that ought to be embraced instead of pushed aside. I push them aside because my limited perspective will not allow my eyes to see the entire picture. So I go to fear instead of trust.
God asks us to do things sometimes easy, sometimes crazy sounding, sometimes heart-wrenching. Why? Because He wants to see how much pain we will endure in trusting Him? Because He loves to see His children squirm? Because we have done something wrong and therefore He must chastise? No! He does all things for my learning, for me to draw close to Him, for me to learn that He is dependable and can see way farther than my limited eyesight is able.
So God told me to do something. Something painful and difficult. Something that I could not swallow. And then He asked me to trust Him. Simply trust. And wait for further instructions.
"Will You make it so clear that even my fearful heart will know when it is time and how it will be? Can I trust You that You know me so well that You know I cannot stand too long of a wait for anything? Will You comfort me as I have sleepless nights and cry tears that cannot find an end?"
God simply desires for me to recieve His promptings, accept them so we can get a move on. But I had to agonize first. Stupid yes, but understandable.
Yes, He made it clear. Yes, He surrounded me with unconditional love from those this would directly affect. I have no words to describe the love I feel for them.
And so I go forth. Like entering the fog I go where He has told me to go. He will show me my steps as they appear before me. I need not fear the rest of the path. He knows the way.

Dear George,

You came to us disguised as severely close to death. Lack of water and food made you so skinny that I cried buckets when I saw you. Because you would not eat we had to feed you for a month until we jumped up and down with glee when you finally ate on your own. So many days we wondered "What will George eat today? Will he like this kind of food? Or this kind?" Often you would change your mind about what you would eat and what you would not in the same day. But because everytime we picked you up you leaned in and let us love on you like no other cat I had experienced before. Perhaps it was gratitude. Perhaps the family that lost you already knew how amazing you were. I said many prayers for them so that they would be at peace knowing that somehow George was being loved. What was your name before you came to us? We never knew but you grew to love your name and looked around everytime someone said it. Every family has one of those that is a little "touched." You were ours. That made you even more lovable. So simple. So easy. So much.
Thank you for loving Jim so well. He is different since you came to us. His heart is bigger because of you. And mine too.
Your place is empty and we mourn that so often. We find comfort that you are not hungry anymore. We find solace that you know how much we love you.
We miss you.
Love,
Mom and Dad

Sweet Pea

Within the last two months or so we have been feeding a kitty that lives around here. I know, I know...feeding an alley cat? Am I crazy? But one night around 1 am I awake to hear an enormous sound of unhappy cat coming from what I thought was outside. So I quickly get to the open back door (the weather was so nice and this was before I wised up about the bats) and found no cats. So turning back into my house I realize that Oliver (aka Killer) has cornered a very frightened and apparently extremely hungry cat that has snuck into the house for a bite to eat. He was now on top of the dryer wide-eyed looking desperate to escape this predicament. After leaping a screeching cat claws over and around and out I came to the conclusion it would be a lot easier to feed this cat and keep him out of the house, out of the garbage and my heart calmer.
So, as we feed our kitties their 9 pm treat I began to feed the one outside. He was very aloof and for so long I never did see him but the food would be gone in moments.
Pretty soon as I went outside I would see him coming up the alley at 9 pm. He definately has a clock. And he knows the time for food.
So eventually I would be able to talk to him as he was eating without him running away.
Now, I can go down the stairs and before I am five or so up he will come right up and eat. Still, though, he will have nothing to do with me being close. But he definatley knows my voice. I know this because the other night my friend and I pull up to the back of the house in her car and I told her that if Jim has not fed the alley cat yet he will be waiting. And waiting he was.
As she turned off the motor and lights I opened my door to reassure him that I was here and don't be scared...it's just me and my friend. As he heard my voice he stopped and relaxed. He let us walk by him as he kept a 10 foot clearance but did not run away. This makes my heart happy. To know that in his unsafe world of hiding and searching for food and he lives every day without a stroke of comfort that we provide some kind of comfort for him.
I was able to catch a couple of pics of him last night. I until I zoomed in with my camera was able to see his markings and face for the first time.
I call him Sweet Pea. And no, I don't know why. But if real men can eat quiche, this cat can be called Sweet Pea. And he likes it.

Jim's Garden

Here is the current pictures of Jim's "garden". It has grown so well and seems that the alley is not such a bad place to have a garden. We have already eaten cukes and tomatoes and squash. And there are a few sweet flowers to bless the alley goers.

ferever.

It has been "ferever" since I have blogged!!! My computer was such a mess and everything took sooooo long and I just didn't have what it took to sit and wait. I am so desiring patience in my life but am not willing to pay the price to ask to learn it!
So this morning in Sunday School Tuesday was my only student so of course, we had one of our "talks". I asked her how things were going with her Mom and the baby yet to come. She reminded me that his name will be Texas. She also informed me that he will not be attending church. Every Sunday he will be having his teeth checked. So just ferget him coming cuz he won't. I realized that she must be having some issues with her space and keeping it to herself. I sure know that. I love my place. I will protect it and keep others from invading it. I love my space because there I am special and prized and I am listened to. So when others want to invade my space I can recognize that they deserve to have those wonderful feelings too. I just want them to find their own!
This morning during worship songs I mentally saw all of us in the throne room of God and saw us all together there. There are no special spots in that room. There is equal wonderful glorious places for each of us. No back seat, no front seat, no sections seperated from one another. No one less or more than the other. Each one looking to the throne as our focus and looking to the next declaration, the next prayer, the next hurting soul to love on.
It is good that as each of us learn who we really are and let God take hold that even though there is no first in line, second in line, etc. each one is special, divine, gifted, loved.
Just one thing though. Tuesday, what is that dentist going to see at first anyway? Just a lot of gums and no teeth. Crazy girl.

My Summer To-Do List

I was inspired to make a summer to-do list from Emily's blog I read today. Maybe if it's written down, I'll actually do some of these things!

1. Knock off three of my books that I so much desire to read.
2. Have a picnic on some grass.
3. Devote serious time to reflection and spiritual quietness.
4. Complete a children's story. Just one. Work on many. Complete one.
5. Get to the gym at least three times a week.
6. Rise early to enjoy the beginning of each day on the deck with a cup of coffee.
7. Be grateful.
8. Continue learning to take a tease. Lighten up.
9. Take a class. Cooking, beading, writing, something.
10. Love on my husband everyday with kindness and play and have fun and LAUGH!!!

Fairy Story

As downtown Twin Falls celebrates the summer we enjoy a concert at the fountain every Wednesday night for 6 weeks. It's so much fun. We sit outside the salon and friends gather and the enjoyment ensues.
The other night Coco and Rachel visited our gathering. Coco is barely 6 and Rachel is "I not free no more...I four. I not free no more...I four." four.
After the concert they decided that going up to the deck was just the thing so up they went and I followed.
I have a special little place on my deck that involves an old standing metal bird cage. I have created a special place. It's a fairy house. The fairy house has many items there including a live ivy plant that is thankfully flourishing after the plastic plants were taken away. There are special stones in and out of the plant and there are also small sweet solar lights too. Along with that is some fairy dust. Amiah assisted me to find the perfect holders for the glitter.
As I explained the special spot to Coco and Rachel their eyes filled with wonder. They stood looking intently for any sign of what most would say a non-existent winged creature. They were very quiet.
I interrupted their study and pinched a small amount of the fairy dust and then sprinkled it on Coco's head. She stood so still and watched as I glitterfied her hair.
Quietly and reverently watched Rachel. She almost held her breath. Out of her came a whispered solemn question.
"Can you fly now Coco?"

Sometimes I get the privelage of seeing the world through the eyes of the wondrous world of a 'I not three no more...I four' year old. I too held my breath and watched this sweet question land to my ears.
Blessings on all who believe in fairies. My belief has been revived. Thank you Rachel.

The deck is changing...

The deck has come a long way in the last few weeks. Amazing how things can grow and get established. Good thing since we had a killer windstorm the other night that like to snatch me bald-headed. Lovin the beauty and the color. Lovin the serenity (who would ever imagine when living downtown?) and lovin the space.

Just in case...I love you.

So my grandchildren took off to Colorado a couple of weeks ago and have now safely returned. They were concerned about being gone for so long and were having a hard time saying goodbye. I know they wanted me to come along and that just was not going to happen so the goodbyes were furrowed brows but fine.
So the next day I get a phonecall from Ammon. He sounded somewhat concerned when he told me that there had been a tornado warning and some sightings of golf ball sized hail. He said "I'm calling to tell you 'I love you' just in case we don't make it. We are searching for shelter now." There was some laughter in the background but I knew that Ammon was taking this seriously!
I asked if they knew where they would go and he said "We have to find shelter. I'll call you when we are in shelter."
I reassured him and told him how very much I loved him and also that there was assigned protection around their car. (I had asked specifically for angels to guard their travel.) I then waited for the next call.
He called a little while later and said "We are at shelter. We made it!" His tone was breathy and relieved. I smiled and told him how happy I was to hear that they had made it safely. I then asked where they were.
He said "McDonalds."
And there you go.

Enchanting...

The other night some friends stopped by to chat for a sec and I took them out on the deck and lit up the lights. In the dark of the evening they glow just right. As we stood there one of my young friends McKenzie breathes in as if to say "oooooooh". What she said next made my heart sing. She said "It's enchanting." Yes! How exciting that when visitors come they see what I see and what I intended. I love that together Jim and I create some fun fun stuff. And whenver I am hesitant to give Jim the 'go-ahead' to create something that I don't completely see as my vision I can simply relax because whatever that guy comes up with is always so awesome.
Have I mentioned before that I LOVE my home?
Well, just in case you missed it, I do. Love it.
Come on over sometime and sit on the deck and have a cup. You will love it too.

Jim's "garden"

Jim decided that the two strips of dirt along the next door neighbor's alley would make a great garden spot. So he decided to work the dirt, find some material to hold tomatoes, spuds, cucumbers and squash. So here he is planting some spuds. He is such a hoot. We bought the cucumbers, squash and tomatoes today. Will keep ya'll updated!

Mother's Day

God is so smart. He chose the most perfect Mom for me. I can't imagine anyone who could do for me what she has done as being my Mom. So many have commented to me what a wonderful woman my mother is...and I agree. She is an outstanding giver. She has the most true pure sense of humor. She cooks like no other (and no one can argue with that!). She taught me how to see the world with sensibility and reality. She believes in me. She fiercely loves. She protects when necessary and stands away when it is time for her chicks to learn and try. When one of us succeeds she can't hold in the joy. Her grandchildren called her blessed let alone her immediate family. Sacrifice and joyful sacrifice at that. Pivitol moments in my life my memory turns to look around and there...yes!...there I see her face. It is filled with joy and honor and if I look REAL close I can see those pompoms she must hold very high above her head to cheer me on.
What I don't see are the tears and prayers that are given on our families behalf. She lets God take her concerns and she leaves all those precious ones of hers on His majestic throne to care for and guide.
Did she make mistakes? Probably. But then she taught me how to deal with them. I do not shirk away from a problem because my momma taught me how to face it. Have I ever told you that, Mom? That skill came from you?
My post could be miles long, literally. So I will hold the rest in my heart and cherish those words for me as they are so personal and sweet.
And so today, my heart could not be any more full than right now at this very moment. I am thrilled to declare Happy Mother's Day.
I love you so much Momma. Thank you.

Sunrise

I have felt so terrible physically this whole week and this morning I awoke in time to see the sunrise. What a gift! I love that this morning I feel like I will be OK and that all is right with the world. I know that everytime I feel so awful it works so well for me in that when I feel better then I can be so grateful. And so here it is again. The sun reminds me that God is at work always and is so consistent.

The Angel of Main Street

Jim brought us the newest sweetest addition to our building. He called me at the end of the day wondering when I was to be finished for the day. Through a ton of wind through the phone I knew he was outside. Asked me to go out to the front and look up and when I did I must admit I cried. The Angel is so beautiful. He is constantly blessing Main Street day and night. We love him more and more every day. Thank you sweetheart for this wonderful thoughtful addition.

Diane introduces Gracey to ICE CREAM!!!