Renae

I have a friend that I only see once a year.  She lives in Oregon with her beautiful family.  We have had a long long friendship that started in high school.  She was my most unlikely friend.  At opposite poles we looked at life so differently.  She was mischeivious while I was boringly safe.  She took chances and I watched at the sidelines cheering her on. We had completely different associations than I and I was a little scared of hers.  They too were chance takers.  They were not willing to accept everything doled out to them.  They questioned everything and if they wondered if a substance or activity was dangerous or harmful they tried it out to see for sure.  Most of the time they laughed when the doomsday scare tactics didn't work on them. 
I on the other hand chose to follow every rule given.  I sat when told and I wore what I was told.  I was the good student.  The one no one had to worry about.  I only took a few chances and when I did I would invariably end up getting caught.  I simply looked guilty. 
So not once, not twice, but three times Renae and I found ourselves at the same jobs.  Totally without attempt.  It was happenstance but not happenstance.  It was a divine dictation.  For what I found out was that those kids that scared me (and she was just as afraid of me and my kind) had so much depth and perception toward life that I lacked.  I did the same for her.  I found out she has a keen wit, a uncanny vocabulary and reads so fast the library can't keep up with her.  Her mind is voracious for anything and everything that the written word can offer. 
She also has a creative side sent from heaven above.  Many a night have been spent knitting and cross-stitching and laughing.  She taught me that a Coke is not a pop...it is a SODA.  She taught me to sit back and gather treasures in words and share them only with those most trustworthy.  She taught me that never, never, never settle for what I do not really really want from a marraige partner to what to order on the menu.
She always wore the cutest, prettiest, most seductive clothes and pulled it off while I was in throat clutching t shirts and jeans and I loved her just as she was because she loved me just as I was.  She also loved my choices for me.  They were not her choices and they never had to be.  We have the most unique relationship in that we do not choose to desire to change the other.  And so through the years we have been amazed at how two lives can be filled with the same joys the same truths the same knowings.
I have never laughed as hard I don't think as I have laughed with her.
And then she had children.  Boys.  Luscious gorgeous brilliant boys.
And when it was to be her 50th birthday soon I glimpsed upon the most perfect gift I have ever seen for my sweet friend.  So perfect in fact that I ordered one myself.  Bound in hand cut leather and held together tightly with a leather strap to be tied in the most wonderful twist these hand made pages of thick paper that were held together by a hand stitch taught by a master in Italy.  When held one can only know that treasures belong on these pages.  I knew that within Renae there are many many treasures.  And so when she received her book then I removed mine from it's own box and thus began the filling.
She overwhelms me again with all the dreams she has recorded and the genius gut wrenching quotes and the pictures of those dreamy boys along with her gratitudes.
And so she is one of my pages in my book.  I will print this writing and include her in my gratitudes for God knew she was my friend. I shudder to think I could have missed meeting her, knowing her.  I was too busy maintaining proper decorum to notice this senstive sweetness that my soul requires.  God took care to bring her in my life enough to begin to savor what He created in her and that she ran with.
A truly inspirational friend and an example of quiet knowing and trusting of her own unique perfect self.
I love my Renae.

Quote for the rest of my life...

"I've allowed you to hold me back my whole life just to come to find out you were never real. You have no power over me, I have replaced you with Love and Trust. You are Fear and you've met your match." ~ Jackson Kiddard

The Shadow of Fairie

A new day

Did you know that everyday is a new day?  I suppose I have heard that so many times it seems silly and cliche.  I know.  But when I stop to consider it is truly a new day it boggles my mind.  Instead of being afraid that I might put off something and regret that I hadn't used my time wisely or had frittered away precious moments I can relax and know that everything...EVERYTHING...is in perfect order.  And just perhaps the perfect design of a Father's hands are preparing a time to do tasks and talks and creativity when it would be the very best.  So I can look at today, at this moment, and realize that it is a new day.  What will this day bring?  What does God want me to know now?  I can be still and listen and not worry that the business is waiting to be done.  I can be still and listen and enjoy these moments of time and get all I can out of each and every one.
Today is the next day in my eternity.  No other time but right now.  Right now I am enjoying eternity.  That makes all this craziness and sometimes sadness and occasional silliness so fabulous.  I don't have to wait for eternity.  It is now. 

The Great Room

 Our new big and beautiful new great room!  The banana tree came from a home where the "parents" were moving and so we bought it from them.  It doesn't look like it but the plant is actually a whopping 12 ft. tall!  The rooms toward the front are yet to be finished thus the crazy green paint above the door.

Thanks Barb for the chairs!



My grand angel that Jim gave me for Christmas.  She is finally where she belongs!



                                                                            

Mother-in-law's Tongue...yes...that is the name for this plant!

I give up.

I give up.  I give up that I can ever have the body of my dreams by dreaming about it. 

I give up.  I give up that I can ever have a strong body without exercise.

I give up.  I give up the denial that haunts me every every day.

I give up.  I allow myself to fail and say "Hm.  That was interesting." Then I move on.

I give up.  I give up making myself self sabotage.

I give up.  I give up sugar.  Most of the time.  It does not serve me.

I give up.  I give up eating when I am not hungry.

I have to give up these previous ways first before I can move on to the next step.  I am ready to see all the times and places and feelings I choose out of because they are scary or unknown or I might fail.  Before when I felt them I chose to shut down and eat.  My eating habits are disconnecting me from my true feelings.  My true feelings may come up and tell me that something hurt or embarrassed me or I failed.  So I shut them down.
The problem is when I decide to shut something down then I shut down the good stuff too.  I have sacrificed so many good honorable true feelings along with my pain. 
So when I am scared to see or trust or feel then I can remember that some of these feelings might be terrific. 
And all of them are seen by God.  I know that I am known better than I know myself.  So I choose to trust too.  And really, after all, when I say I can't see something because it might hurt too much or feel too uncomfortable I am choosing to not have faith.  I am saying in essence "I don't trust."
Yuck.
So I choose to trust.
I choose to exercise.
I choose to feel.
I choose to cry if it is time.
I choose to laugh if is time.
I choose to be who I am created to be.

Dear Amazing Girl,

I receive these amazing messages from a website called Brave Girls Club.  Here is one that spoke to me so loudly today that as I went to copy it I couldn't for whatever the reason so I had to copy it word for word.  That made it even better!  So here it is:

 Sometimes the bravest thing we ever have to do is accept a different answer to a wish, a dream, a hope or a prayer than the one we were asking for, and trust that it is still going to work out o.k. int he end.

No one is immune from disappointments, and confusing turns of events, and things turning our waaaaaaaay different than we planned on.  Our characters are built, our patience is grown, and our hearts are strengthened when these things happen...in ways that they could not have otherwise.

A lot of suffering can be passed by when we just TRUST that things are working out even when we can't see how it is possible.  So many times, we have to travel through a "rough part of town" to get to the most beautiful parts...and there is no other way but through those parts.  If you are in one of the "rough" parts right now...just keep moving...soon you will see the places that you were headed to when you set off on this journey.  If you stop now...you will be stuck exactly where you are.

Sooo, keep moving, friend.  Keep your chin up, keep your thought in happy places...keep believing, keep dreaming, keep hoping, keep wishing, keep praying...and most importantly...keep the faith.  This is all headed somewhere good!

Messin around with the Ipad

 Mickie

 My client Lee

 Ehhhhh?  What you say?

 "This is how I look at you before I kill you with my laser."

 I look like Susan Boyle.

 Ha!  Meg!

 Charley

 Meg...just in case you cannot tell who this is!

 I have always desired a small neck.

Yikes...check out the hair!

The floor of the great room

Here are some pictures of the new floor.  I have added some pictures of the floor before it was refinished.  It's hard to believe that this is the same floor!

Cheerios and stuff.

Have you ever wondered why we grow up?  I do.  I know, I know, I am supposed to learn and mature and think of others and learn my manners and know how to say thank you and learn how to pay bills all on my own and take care of myself and learn that matches can hurt me and and and.  But why must I lose that little girl that was so wonderful when she came here?  The one that skipped and played and thought life was magic and a yummy bowl of cereal was good enough reason to get out of bed.  I don't want the pigtails but I want the ruffles and flowers and idealism.  I wonder when she left. 
I think she is coming back.  I think that's why the year 50 is so powerful.  As this new stage happens I get to take care of me for once in many many years.  I get to choose things that make just me happy.  I get to play really hard with my grandchildren and other kids that come around.  I have so many things to choose and paints to paint and laughter to have and jewelry to make and glue to stick underneath my fingernails.
How silly that all this time I was still that little girl but decided to act all grown up and wise and the things about me that others enjoy comes directly straight from that girl inside me.  She is busting out and wanting to just simply be.  I get to see my God from a place of innocence and simple belief that what He says He will do and sometimes I just don't have to know how. 
Yay!  I don't have to know how God is.  I just have to know that He is. 
Now, where did I put my Cheerios?