Quote for the rest of my life...

"I've allowed you to hold me back my whole life just to come to find out you were never real. You have no power over me, I have replaced you with Love and Trust. You are Fear and you've met your match." ~ Jackson Kiddard

The Shadow of Fairie

A new day

Did you know that everyday is a new day?  I suppose I have heard that so many times it seems silly and cliche.  I know.  But when I stop to consider it is truly a new day it boggles my mind.  Instead of being afraid that I might put off something and regret that I hadn't used my time wisely or had frittered away precious moments I can relax and know that everything...EVERYTHING...is in perfect order.  And just perhaps the perfect design of a Father's hands are preparing a time to do tasks and talks and creativity when it would be the very best.  So I can look at today, at this moment, and realize that it is a new day.  What will this day bring?  What does God want me to know now?  I can be still and listen and not worry that the business is waiting to be done.  I can be still and listen and enjoy these moments of time and get all I can out of each and every one.
Today is the next day in my eternity.  No other time but right now.  Right now I am enjoying eternity.  That makes all this craziness and sometimes sadness and occasional silliness so fabulous.  I don't have to wait for eternity.  It is now. 

The Great Room

 Our new big and beautiful new great room!  The banana tree came from a home where the "parents" were moving and so we bought it from them.  It doesn't look like it but the plant is actually a whopping 12 ft. tall!  The rooms toward the front are yet to be finished thus the crazy green paint above the door.

Thanks Barb for the chairs!



My grand angel that Jim gave me for Christmas.  She is finally where she belongs!



                                                                            

Mother-in-law's Tongue...yes...that is the name for this plant!

I give up.

I give up.  I give up that I can ever have the body of my dreams by dreaming about it. 

I give up.  I give up that I can ever have a strong body without exercise.

I give up.  I give up the denial that haunts me every every day.

I give up.  I allow myself to fail and say "Hm.  That was interesting." Then I move on.

I give up.  I give up making myself self sabotage.

I give up.  I give up sugar.  Most of the time.  It does not serve me.

I give up.  I give up eating when I am not hungry.

I have to give up these previous ways first before I can move on to the next step.  I am ready to see all the times and places and feelings I choose out of because they are scary or unknown or I might fail.  Before when I felt them I chose to shut down and eat.  My eating habits are disconnecting me from my true feelings.  My true feelings may come up and tell me that something hurt or embarrassed me or I failed.  So I shut them down.
The problem is when I decide to shut something down then I shut down the good stuff too.  I have sacrificed so many good honorable true feelings along with my pain. 
So when I am scared to see or trust or feel then I can remember that some of these feelings might be terrific. 
And all of them are seen by God.  I know that I am known better than I know myself.  So I choose to trust too.  And really, after all, when I say I can't see something because it might hurt too much or feel too uncomfortable I am choosing to not have faith.  I am saying in essence "I don't trust."
Yuck.
So I choose to trust.
I choose to exercise.
I choose to feel.
I choose to cry if it is time.
I choose to laugh if is time.
I choose to be who I am created to be.

Dear Amazing Girl,

I receive these amazing messages from a website called Brave Girls Club.  Here is one that spoke to me so loudly today that as I went to copy it I couldn't for whatever the reason so I had to copy it word for word.  That made it even better!  So here it is:

 Sometimes the bravest thing we ever have to do is accept a different answer to a wish, a dream, a hope or a prayer than the one we were asking for, and trust that it is still going to work out o.k. int he end.

No one is immune from disappointments, and confusing turns of events, and things turning our waaaaaaaay different than we planned on.  Our characters are built, our patience is grown, and our hearts are strengthened when these things happen...in ways that they could not have otherwise.

A lot of suffering can be passed by when we just TRUST that things are working out even when we can't see how it is possible.  So many times, we have to travel through a "rough part of town" to get to the most beautiful parts...and there is no other way but through those parts.  If you are in one of the "rough" parts right now...just keep moving...soon you will see the places that you were headed to when you set off on this journey.  If you stop now...you will be stuck exactly where you are.

Sooo, keep moving, friend.  Keep your chin up, keep your thought in happy places...keep believing, keep dreaming, keep hoping, keep wishing, keep praying...and most importantly...keep the faith.  This is all headed somewhere good!

Messin around with the Ipad

 Mickie

 My client Lee

 Ehhhhh?  What you say?

 "This is how I look at you before I kill you with my laser."

 I look like Susan Boyle.

 Ha!  Meg!

 Charley

 Meg...just in case you cannot tell who this is!

 I have always desired a small neck.

Yikes...check out the hair!

The floor of the great room

Here are some pictures of the new floor.  I have added some pictures of the floor before it was refinished.  It's hard to believe that this is the same floor!

Cheerios and stuff.

Have you ever wondered why we grow up?  I do.  I know, I know, I am supposed to learn and mature and think of others and learn my manners and know how to say thank you and learn how to pay bills all on my own and take care of myself and learn that matches can hurt me and and and.  But why must I lose that little girl that was so wonderful when she came here?  The one that skipped and played and thought life was magic and a yummy bowl of cereal was good enough reason to get out of bed.  I don't want the pigtails but I want the ruffles and flowers and idealism.  I wonder when she left. 
I think she is coming back.  I think that's why the year 50 is so powerful.  As this new stage happens I get to take care of me for once in many many years.  I get to choose things that make just me happy.  I get to play really hard with my grandchildren and other kids that come around.  I have so many things to choose and paints to paint and laughter to have and jewelry to make and glue to stick underneath my fingernails.
How silly that all this time I was still that little girl but decided to act all grown up and wise and the things about me that others enjoy comes directly straight from that girl inside me.  She is busting out and wanting to just simply be.  I get to see my God from a place of innocence and simple belief that what He says He will do and sometimes I just don't have to know how. 
Yay!  I don't have to know how God is.  I just have to know that He is. 
Now, where did I put my Cheerios?

Anniversary

Jim and I just celebrated our 19th anniversary.  19 years on the 19th!  What a ride it has been and continues to be.  I honor my decision to ask Jim to marry me all those years ago because it was one of the most genius moves I have ever made.  Jim harassed me (yes.  harassed.) to marry him.  After asking me with a ring, asking me over the phone, asking me in a card, asking me every single day to marry him he finally gave up.  He asked so many times his heart couldn't handle it anymore.   So he told me that when I knew what I was going to do then I would have to ask him. 
Have you ever had your head struck with what seems like a cast iron frying pan?  That's how it was for me.  So obvious was it that I asked immediately and he was stunned.  We married two months and a few days later.  So many were heartbroken at this decision.  But that was yesterday and today is today so no more of those memories.  For it was genius. 
Jim would go to the ends of the earth for me.  If I said I desperately needed a new car he would break his back to get it for me.  If I said I wanted some ice cream, some dinner, some money, some act of cleaning, some repair he will do it completely.  With no hesitation and no complaint.  He is willing.  And yet if I ask him to not wear something that expresses himself or grow his hair back or not be honest he will never comply.  He honors himself implicitly and I love that about him.  Even when others crumble under pressure from everywhere, Jim will only act when he is inspired to or when his heart allows.  He will never be someone else for you.  He loves and honors himself way too much for that.
He honors me as well.  He expects nothing less than for me to honor myself above him.  Just when I thought I had this relationship thing figured out he challenges it and expects me to honor me above him.  Then and only then can I be the authentic woman I am to be with him.
I have chosen wisely.  Those days when you see me annoyed with him it is usually because he is asking and expecting me to be my best and what I know I am to be and I don't want to.  Or because I want him to be something else besides who he truly is and he will not comply.  Sometimes he simply screws up.  Big deal.  So do I.
Happy Anniversary Baby.  It has been a journey.  Can't wait to see what is next.  I love you.