Livin in a Loft

2012-01-22T22:12:00.000-08:00

Here ya go Jim!

2012-01-22T22:05:00.000-08:00

I realized after Jim showed a friend the blog that I had not placed a beginning to end of the great room, and if I have already I didn't title it something that he can find so I decided to place it again. So Jim, if you are checking this again here ya go! And by the way, you did a great job. I love the room, I love the feel, I love the touches, I love you.

2011-12-17T07:19:00.001-08:00

2011-12-17T07:16:00.001-08:00

Ammon's Magic Trick

2011-11-21T08:08:00.000-08:00

Mostly I just want to see his face and how grown up he is getting. He is still extremely sweet. I love his smile and his ease with life.

2011-11-07T06:02:00.001-08:00

Don't Judge Life by One Difficult Season

2011-11-07T05:53:00.000-08:00

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.
The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said, “no – it was covered with green buds and full of promise”. The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.
The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree’s life.

He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it’s winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.

Moral: Don’t let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest. Don’t judge life by one difficult season. Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.

~ Author Unknown

The next step

2011-10-23T16:31:00.000-07:00

So I have decided to let go.
Let go of all I had, all that was, all that I used to be.
Let go of all that I thought I had.
Let go of how I thought things were going to be and how I thought I wanted things to be.
Too many times I have decided that things weren't good enough or met the standard or the guidelines that I created in my head without ever asking if that was the very best for me or for those I love.
If God is not the author of my next step then what does the next step represent? Only my way. And sometimes that works out because of grace alone.
So I have decided once again to let go. My mantra of 2011 is ever present.
Let Go.
I take the plunge, the leap into the void of unknown and trust that what is next will catch me like a tender grass and allow me better and bigger than I could have ever dreamed.
Let's face it. What I had planned was pretty darn safe. Many safety nets and very little risk. It seems that I trust the best when I have no idea what is coming and then I am very open to instruction and listening very close to any shred of inspiration. And then I will go because there is nowhere else to go.
It is beautiful and excruciating how this process unfolds for me. Kicking and screaming (literally) and pitching fits for what will never be again, what perhaps never was.
I am so excited to trust God in this fashion. Never before have I trusted to this level before.
So I step into the next place one step at a time aware of God's guidance, aware that I don't have to know steps in advance. Only the ones placed before me with trust in every footprint knowing that I am safe.

2011-10-07T20:07:00.001-07:00

2011-10-07T20:00:00.000-07:00

Life lately has taken a turn. I am feeling so full. I have feelings that seem to overwhelm me and take over. I am overwhelmed at the moment because one of my friends is facing so much trial right now. Her face is filled with torment and sorrow. It is difficult to bear seeing her and I can't imagine how difficult it is to bear being in her own skin. I have no words. She doesn't want any. I can only bear witness to this pain she lives in.
When I see others pain sometimes I am reminded of times when I have felt deep pain. Never have I had to bear the pain of burying a close loved one except those of my dear pets. When I visit these past feelings of dark despair, loneliness or abandonment I realize that I am not there anymore. It is the beauty of forgetfulness that accompanies healing. And healing is gradual. It grows over like a wound in scar mode. Eventually there may be a mark and the remembrance of the hurt, but very rarely can one remember the actual pain.
And so I know that with this hurt of my friend I have nothing to offer except that I will bear with her and watch the gradual layer upon layer of healing that must take place. I will encourage this healing and stand by her as the wound begins to close up and become less and less of a threat, a reminder.
I nevertheless feel so worthless to this effort of healing in another's life.
These are things that I have pondered lately. Yes, life is pure and whole and sweet. Yes, my home is warm and inviting and filled with calm peacefulness and cat fur. But there is this constant weight. This burden of others that I has required me to learn to cope with. This pain is not mine and yet in the love of others I tend to feel with them. Does this help? Can it take some of the pain away? Is it mine to feel? Must I continue with these dark helpless nights of sleeplessness as if this is my loved one that has passed?

Lord, I come to You
Let my heart be changed, renewed
Flowing from the grace that I found in You
Lord, I've come to know
the weaknesses I see in me
will be stripped away
By the power of Your love
Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near, draw me to your side
And as I wait,
I'll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on
In the power of Your love.

This is my prayer, the song that goes with me in the night. It raises up to the heavens and I pray that it will bring some healing, some balm to those around me that are in the midst of life-altering events. I also pray that I will learn my perfect place in standing with my friends when their times of trial or difficulty weigh heavy in their lives. I offer my heart, Lord. Hold me close.

I stole this.

2011-10-07T19:38:00.000-07:00

I stole this and I am not sorry.

Actually, I am very proud of my steal.

It makes me giggle.

ppfffttffppftt!

2011-10-06T20:02:00.000-07:00

Ammon is (gulp) 12.

2011-10-06T06:06:00.000-07:00

Here is the 12 year old. I feel dizzy when I think of how fast time has gone. I remember the day so well that he entered the world and changed everything.

As you can see...he has braces now but still has the silly smile.

It is my squirrel. It is my squirrel and it shall be my squirrel and I will call you squishy.

Some of the friends that attended the party: Falin, Sawyer, Conner, Tanner and Brady. They were such good sports and played every game I threw to them with a vengeance. We did a Minute to Win It party and that was a HIT.

The sky that evening was so beautiful. It represents to me that God is watching over every event, every person in my life that I love. I can trust that they are in the hands of such a love that only heaven can comprehend.

Gracey is TWO!!!

2011-10-04T21:08:00.000-07:00

Sweet little Gracey turned two. So hard to believe. And she was so gracious...

She had a hard time understanding "this is from..." She thought her mommy was saying "this is for..." and she was very happy to give them away.

But then so excited that every one of them was for her.

Even excited at clothes. She made a little squeal with every gift.

This requires no words.

Renae

2011-08-08T17:28:00.000-07:00

I have a friend that I only see once a year. She lives in Oregon with her beautiful family. We have had a long long friendship that started in high school. She was my most unlikely friend. At opposite poles we looked at life so differently. She was mischeivious while I was boringly safe. She took chances and I watched at the sidelines cheering her on. We had completely different associations than I and I was a little scared of hers. They too were chance takers. They were not willing to accept everything doled out to them. They questioned everything and if they wondered if a substance or activity was dangerous or harmful they tried it out to see for sure. Most of the time they laughed when the doomsday scare tactics didn't work on them.
I on the other hand chose to follow every rule given. I sat when told and I wore what I was told. I was the good student. The one no one had to worry about. I only took a few chances and when I did I would invariably end up getting caught. I simply looked guilty.
So not once, not twice, but three times Renae and I found ourselves at the same jobs. Totally without attempt. It was happenstance but not happenstance. It was a divine dictation. For what I found out was that those kids that scared me (and she was just as afraid of me and my kind) had so much depth and perception toward life that I lacked. I did the same for her. I found out she has a keen wit, a uncanny vocabulary and reads so fast the library can't keep up with her. Her mind is voracious for anything and everything that the written word can offer.
She also has a creative side sent from heaven above. Many a night have been spent knitting and cross-stitching and laughing. She taught me that a Coke is not a pop...it is a SODA. She taught me to sit back and gather treasures in words and share them only with those most trustworthy. She taught me that never, never, never settle for what I do not really really want from a marraige partner to what to order on the menu.
She always wore the cutest, prettiest, most seductive clothes and pulled it off while I was in throat clutching t shirts and jeans and I loved her just as she was because she loved me just as I was. She also loved my choices for me. They were not her choices and they never had to be. We have the most unique relationship in that we do not choose to desire to change the other. And so through the years we have been amazed at how two lives can be filled with the same joys the same truths the same knowings.
I have never laughed as hard I don't think as I have laughed with her.
And then she had children. Boys. Luscious gorgeous brilliant boys.
And when it was to be her 50th birthday soon I glimpsed upon the most perfect gift I have ever seen for my sweet friend. So perfect in fact that I ordered one myself. Bound in hand cut leather and held together tightly with a leather strap to be tied in the most wonderful twist these hand made pages of thick paper that were held together by a hand stitch taught by a master in Italy. When held one can only know that treasures belong on these pages. I knew that within Renae there are many many treasures. And so when she received her book then I removed mine from it's own box and thus began the filling.
She overwhelms me again with all the dreams she has recorded and the genius gut wrenching quotes and the pictures of those dreamy boys along with her gratitudes.
And so she is one of my pages in my book. I will print this writing and include her in my gratitudes for God knew she was my friend. I shudder to think I could have missed meeting her, knowing her. I was too busy maintaining proper decorum to notice this senstive sweetness that my soul requires. God took care to bring her in my life enough to begin to savor what He created in her and that she ran with.
A truly inspirational friend and an example of quiet knowing and trusting of her own unique perfect self.
I love my Renae.

Quote for the rest of my life...

2011-07-25T06:48:00.001-07:00

"I've allowed you to hold me back my whole life just to come to find out you were never real. You have no power over me, I have replaced you with Love and Trust. You are Fear and you've met your match." ~ Jackson Kiddard

The Shadow of Fairie

2011-07-16T12:41:00.001-07:00

A new day

2011-07-11T12:49:00.000-07:00

Did you know that everyday is a new day? I suppose I have heard that so many times it seems silly and cliche. I know. But when I stop to consider it is truly a new day it boggles my mind. Instead of being afraid that I might put off something and regret that I hadn't used my time wisely or had frittered away precious moments I can relax and know that everything...EVERYTHING...is in perfect order. And just perhaps the perfect design of a Father's hands are preparing a time to do tasks and talks and creativity when it would be the very best. So I can look at today, at this moment, and realize that it is a new day. What will this day bring? What does God want me to know now? I can be still and listen and not worry that the business is waiting to be done. I can be still and listen and enjoy these moments of time and get all I can out of each and every one.
Today is the next day in my eternity. No other time but right now. Right now I am enjoying eternity. That makes all this craziness and sometimes sadness and occasional silliness so fabulous. I don't have to wait for eternity. It is now.

The Great Room

2011-07-11T12:37:00.000-07:00

Our new big and beautiful new great room! The banana tree came from a home where the "parents" were moving and so we bought it from them. It doesn't look like it but the plant is actually a whopping 12 ft. tall! The rooms toward the front are yet to be finished thus the crazy green paint above the door.

Thanks Barb for the chairs!

My grand angel that Jim gave me for Christmas. She is finally where she belongs!

Mother-in-law's Tongue...yes...that is the name for this plant!

I give up.

2011-07-02T07:24:00.000-07:00

I give up. I give up that I can ever have the body of my dreams by dreaming about it.

I give up. I give up that I can ever have a strong body without exercise.

I give up. I give up the denial that haunts me every every day.

I give up. I allow myself to fail and say "Hm. That was interesting." Then I move on.

I give up. I give up making myself self sabotage.

I give up. I give up sugar. Most of the time. It does not serve me.

I give up. I give up eating when I am not hungry.

I have to give up these previous ways first before I can move on to the next step. I am ready to see all the times and places and feelings I choose out of because they are scary or unknown or I might fail. Before when I felt them I chose to shut down and eat. My eating habits are disconnecting me from my true feelings. My true feelings may come up and tell me that something hurt or embarrassed me or I failed. So I shut them down.
The problem is when I decide to shut something down then I shut down the good stuff too. I have sacrificed so many good honorable true feelings along with my pain.
So when I am scared to see or trust or feel then I can remember that some of these feelings might be terrific.
And all of them are seen by God. I know that I am known better than I know myself. So I choose to trust too. And really, after all, when I say I can't see something because it might hurt too much or feel too uncomfortable I am choosing to not have faith. I am saying in essence "I don't trust."
Yuck.
So I choose to trust.
I choose to exercise.
I choose to feel.
I choose to cry if it is time.
I choose to laugh if is time.
I choose to be who I am created to be.

Dear Amazing Girl,

2011-07-02T07:06:00.000-07:00

I receive these amazing messages from a website called Brave Girls Club. Here is one that spoke to me so loudly today that as I went to copy it I couldn't for whatever the reason so I had to copy it word for word. That made it even better! So here it is:

Sometimes the bravest thing we ever have to do is accept a different answer to a wish, a dream, a hope or a prayer than the one we were asking for, and trust that it is still going to work out o.k. int he end.

No one is immune from disappointments, and confusing turns of events, and things turning our waaaaaaaay different than we planned on. Our characters are built, our patience is grown, and our hearts are strengthened when these things happen...in ways that they could not have otherwise.

A lot of suffering can be passed by when we just TRUST that things are working out even when we can't see how it is possible. So many times, we have to travel through a "rough part of town" to get to the most beautiful parts...and there is no other way but through those parts. If you are in one of the "rough" parts right now...just keep moving...soon you will see the places that you were headed to when you set off on this journey. If you stop now...you will be stuck exactly where you are.

Sooo, keep moving, friend. Keep your chin up, keep your thought in happy places...keep believing, keep dreaming, keep hoping, keep wishing, keep praying...and most importantly...keep the faith. This is all headed somewhere good!

Messin around with the Ipad

2011-05-30T07:05:00.000-07:00

Mickie

My client Lee

Ehhhhh? What you say?

"This is how I look at you before I kill you with my laser."

I look like Susan Boyle.

Ha! Meg!

Charley

Meg...just in case you cannot tell who this is!

I have always desired a small neck.

Yikes...check out the hair!

The floor of the great room

2011-05-30T06:54:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures of the new floor. I have added some pictures of the floor before it was refinished. It's hard to believe that this is the same floor!

Cheerios and stuff.

2011-04-09T06:51:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why we grow up? I do. I know, I know, I am supposed to learn and mature and think of others and learn my manners and know how to say thank you and learn how to pay bills all on my own and take care of myself and learn that matches can hurt me and and and. But why must I lose that little girl that was so wonderful when she came here? The one that skipped and played and thought life was magic and a yummy bowl of cereal was good enough reason to get out of bed. I don't want the pigtails but I want the ruffles and flowers and idealism. I wonder when she left.
I think she is coming back. I think that's why the year 50 is so powerful. As this new stage happens I get to take care of me for once in many many years. I get to choose things that make just me happy. I get to play really hard with my grandchildren and other kids that come around. I have so many things to choose and paints to paint and laughter to have and jewelry to make and glue to stick underneath my fingernails.
How silly that all this time I was still that little girl but decided to act all grown up and wise and the things about me that others enjoy comes directly straight from that girl inside me. She is busting out and wanting to just simply be. I get to see my God from a place of innocence and simple belief that what He says He will do and sometimes I just don't have to know how.
Yay! I don't have to know how God is. I just have to know that He is.
Now, where did I put my Cheerios?

Anniversary

2011-03-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

Jim and I just celebrated our 19th anniversary. 19 years on the 19th! What a ride it has been and continues to be. I honor my decision to ask Jim to marry me all those years ago because it was one of the most genius moves I have ever made. Jim harassed me (yes. harassed.) to marry him. After asking me with a ring, asking me over the phone, asking me in a card, asking me every single day to marry him he finally gave up. He asked so many times his heart couldn't handle it anymore. So he told me that when I knew what I was going to do then I would have to ask him.
Have you ever had your head struck with what seems like a cast iron frying pan? That's how it was for me. So obvious was it that I asked immediately and he was stunned. We married two months and a few days later. So many were heartbroken at this decision. But that was yesterday and today is today so no more of those memories. For it was genius.
Jim would go to the ends of the earth for me. If I said I desperately needed a new car he would break his back to get it for me. If I said I wanted some ice cream, some dinner, some money, some act of cleaning, some repair he will do it completely. With no hesitation and no complaint. He is willing. And yet if I ask him to not wear something that expresses himself or grow his hair back or not be honest he will never comply. He honors himself implicitly and I love that about him. Even when others crumble under pressure from everywhere, Jim will only act when he is inspired to or when his heart allows. He will never be someone else for you. He loves and honors himself way too much for that.
He honors me as well. He expects nothing less than for me to honor myself above him. Just when I thought I had this relationship thing figured out he challenges it and expects me to honor me above him. Then and only then can I be the authentic woman I am to be with him.
I have chosen wisely. Those days when you see me annoyed with him it is usually because he is asking and expecting me to be my best and what I know I am to be and I don't want to. Or because I want him to be something else besides who he truly is and he will not comply. Sometimes he simply screws up. Big deal. So do I.
Happy Anniversary Baby. It has been a journey. Can't wait to see what is next. I love you.

Amiah did it again.

2011-03-18T06:18:00.000-07:00

The other day I was inspired to show Ammon and Amiah all the places in Twin Falls that I have lived. I was suprised at how many places I have had my dwelling. One of the magical places I have lived was out in the country 6 miles from town in a rented farm house. There were barns, outbuildings, horses, sometimes pigs, chickens, dogs, cats, and an enormous garden.
As we headed out to the farm the kids were fascinated that we had lived so far out. "What about the mall? What about the grocery store or the movies or going to a friend's house?" After so many questions I realized it is unique to my own grandchildren how I was raised. They find it fascinating and a little scary.
As we crossed the second canal (which was a landmark for me as a child) I showed them the remains of the house where the landowners lived. Now it just a pile of old stone and dirt. I pointed out the place and told them "This is where the owners lived and we lived in the farm house way down there." As I pointed I looked at this grand big house and almost held my breath. There are no more outbuildings or barns. Only this big house standing alone. This house was a place where I learned so many things about myself. It was a magic house to me.
So we headed down to the house and slowed down as we passed. I noted the very large wrap around porch and showed them the window to my room. I told them quickly. They weren't getting it and I tend to shy away from sharing magical memories with ones who are limited to share it. Not that it matters in the spiritual nature of me, but I just tend to keep those things close to me and those that really get it. And they were not getting it. I think they were literally terrified at this final showing of places where I had laid my head and they were quite frankly sad for me! Ha! In their limited experiences this just simply looked horrid to them.
But the final question broke my melancholy visitation and took me to gut rolls.
Amiah looking quite confused asked again "So those people owned this house and lived down there? Why did they let you live here?" I explained how rentals worked and if someone owns more than one house they usually rent it out and use that money for extra income. I explained this in short order. Still confused she asked,
"Why wouldn't they live here instead of down the road in that pile of rocks?"

Bowling on the deck

2011-03-13T22:18:00.000-07:00

Darn. I didn't take a picture but today Amiah and Ammon and I bowled on the deck. We got out the kids bowling set and made a bowling alley. The weather was a-ma-zing. So beautiful. So we took turns and the first try Amiah did not succeed. She does NOT live by the motto "If at first you don't succeed...try try again." She thinks "If at first I don't succeed I won't play anymore." It was fun. Ammon and I bowled for awhile. Then we blew bubbles. Then we threw items off the deck and Amiah retrieved most of them.
Then we played cards. Amiah won. A lot. So she kept playing. Then we played a different card game and Amiah lost and so...yep. She quit. She is so funny spending so much of her time making her life a "get over it" time instead of just laugh at it.
She reminds me of me. She is so hard on herself and so am I. So, I love on her and laugh with her or at least encourage her to laugh. I tell her how amazing she is and how perfect it all is and winning is nothing but laughing is everything. I am preaching to myself as well and then we laugh together. I, who will never take a tease from anyone except my grandkids, will tease and joke and let loose. I get why these beautiful people are in my life. I get to let loose and lighten up on myself and be me and they love it and I love it and them.
Thank you dear God for sending these wonderful lovers of my soul that have come here right now to allow me to learn what no one else has successfully taught me. All those wonderful souls that stood up for me and believed in me were no match for these fine faces that simply want to be with me.
Be. With me.
So I will be. Whoever I am with. My grandkids are very good teachers.

Hormone Song by MEW

2011-02-20T07:16:00.000-08:00

I have a little pill
doesn't look like much to me
before it came along
I was sad and so lonely.

Even though folks were around
I didn't hear that sound
of laughter and happiness
rage in my heart was found.

And so the doctor said to me
I think I have a remedy
let me give you this prescrip
before you check into the mental county

It will bring you back to yourself
it will make all things new
it's called Estrogen
"don't worry I take it too."

My husband got a ticket
on the way to the pharmacy
fear gripping his every part
stayin alive's how he wanted to be.

Hubby holdin his breath standing by my side
the pill went down with some water's sip
waiting for relief and my return
away from this sweating stranger's grip.

Believing this could be too good
could this really be true?
that this pill's promise soon would come
I could smile and sing again too?

Five days later there was a glimpse
of that Mary Ellen we used to know
a sparkle, a snicker, and even some sleep returned
the signs we had searched for so long high and low.

And today almost two weeks have come and gone
that little pill has worked real good
and now we can party and laugh and giggle
more of the day than not I feel just like I should.

Who would have thought a little white pill
could make such a change in our life
Hubby can joke free from fear
Almost like when she became his wife.

No more constant but occasional temps rise up from hell
the lady of the house begins to yell
"It's so hot in here! Let's open a window!"
Why? no one can explain, not a soul can tell.

I love life again and that pill it's true
what the doctor said and the promise given
when she said it will help and restore so much
I have come back happily joining the livin.

You're Beautiful

2011-02-20T06:47:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eq29Owv_8yU&feature=related

A wonderful song that sings my heart song right now.

You are beautiful.

Me too.

To serve is to love

2011-02-06T06:16:00.000-08:00

As I posted yesterday and now restate: My hormones are kicking my butt. Nevertheless Jim and I have concluded that when possible we will smile at my attempt to remain kind in the midst of desiring to remove his head. And blessed is the occasion when we can laugh. I laugh first and then he knows he can laugh with me. I feel bad (and anyone would) when the unfortunate occasion comes that he laughs first and I do not follow. And still he is a sweet kind companion that merely desires for me to be happy.
HOWEVER:
Yesterday he neglectfully rang my cell phone to inform me that we are having a guest arrive in a few minutes that will be here for the evening and will spend the night in our other house guest area. She is the sweetest soul and so easy and unpretentious. She also needs to eat. As do I. As does Jim.
Jim and I can fend for ourselves and I would love to have a regular cooking routine with dinner complete and nutrition at the top of the list but I have not attained that at this stage. I have wained. But I digress. That will be a different post.
So the question remains hanging in the air in the emptiness of cell phone land "Should we eat at home or would you prefer to eat out? I am so willing to take us out to eat and we can go wherever we decide. But we do have that yummy chicken and all those fresh things we just got from Bountiful Baskets. So you tell me and we will do whatever you want. If you want us to go and you be left in quiet...that is fine too."
See? Isn't he amazing?
So I did not respond. I only said we will see when I get home which will be in about an hour. Is that ok?
"Absolutely."
So when I returned home I realized how silly it would be to go out to eat with this plethor of food, so I cooked.
I wasn't so tickled when I started but as these sweet people (Jim and Elizabeth) visited as I cooked and we began to smile and laugh about little and big things my heart began to swell.
It felt good to put together some yummy nutritious simple food and add some love and special to it and then watch them eat it. It was warm and just right and not pretentious or perfect. Just simple.
It is the beauty of serving that brings out a warmth inside that my heart needed at the moment. I needed to put my hands to work (not that hard even) and desire an ease of the evening for everyone. As I softened and thought of others and put my hormones aside I reminded myself how this service stuff works. It is a beautiful time when others enjoy my efforts and I can think of someone else and their comfort and pleasure and consequently I am served.
God is a master at creating win/win situations. When I serve then I am served. That's a win/win if I ever saw one.

My hormones

2011-02-05T06:49:00.000-08:00

...are kickin my butt. I have been so upbeat about the next stage of my life and how this transition is going to free my body up from the early stages of flux to somewhat of a evenness. But this is literally wiping me out. I am going to the doctor. I give. I will beg or plead or whatever I have to do to get some help with this.
My brain has been so foggy that even writing (which is so easy for me) has been a struggle. It is very strange having no reactions to things. Just like the emotional barometer reads ZERO. I search for words. I cry without warning. I react to things too fast.
I throw in the towel. I give.
Menopause...you win.
For today.
Soon I will have something in my possession that will kick your butt back. And then I will be very very pleased.
Have fun with me today. Churn my emotions, mess up my vocabulary, cause rivers of persperation. Have at it. Your days are numbered.

What I heard at 4:30 am

2011-02-05T06:40:00.000-08:00

My New Addition

2011-01-15T07:05:00.000-08:00

We have a new guest in the house. It came in a 224 lb. box and yesterday it was assembled. It is metal and big and has a backlit display. It will only move if I move it. It will cause me to sweat and move if I allow it. Otherwise it will just stand there looking at me with its stationary gaze wondering when I will make it do it's thing.
It is an elliptical.
It is beautiful.
I am certain sometimes I will think it is not beautiful.
But today I love it.
It is so easy and simple. I get up. I put on my shoes. I plug in my ipod and turn on the fan. I have my TV remote close in case I want to watch something. And then I sweat. And then I can be complete. I didn't have to drive anywhere or put on my coat. I don't have to pay a gym fee and no one has to see me on it. But you can if you want. You can come over anytime between 5:00 am and 6:30 am and sometime in there I will be on it.
Yay!

Christmas Eve

2011-01-02T07:07:00.000-08:00

Because the holidays (definition: Holy Days) are so jam packed with activity and fun I have discovered many events that have gone unposted. So many that I neglected to even get pics for! Dang it. But I want to record Christmas Eve events.
Every Christmas Eve Jim and I host a Open House. We always have the house open to anyone who would like to stop by or sit and stay all night if they desire. This year was fun for many reasons but one being that Jim is rockin on the great room. (pics to be posted soon) His efforts usually have a gasping reaction. This was really fun for him as he has been working like a dog.
The night before Christmas Eve I always put the beans on to soak. The next morning I get the going with onions, carrots and ham. They cook allllllllll day. This year they were especially good. I make rolls and have sandwich makings so all can make little sandwiches however they desire. I also had meatballs in the crock. And don't forget the wassel in the stove!
Then the treats were amazing if I do say so myself. I wish I had taken a pic. Dang it again.
Cheese ball, crackers, caramel popcorn, sweet chex mix, reeses bars, easy turtles, tiny chocolate chip cookies, veggies and dip, candies that folks gave. I can't remember it all.
That day during prep I realized there were a few items I had forgotten. Risking major facial responses I asked Jim if he would be open to going to the store. Suprisingly, he had no qualms about it. Providing a list and off he went happily. He also got a couple of stocking stuffers too.
When he returned I realized how genius this was. Because of my frugal nature I will stick to the list. Jim on the other hand purchases with his tummy and with generosity. I asked him to buy another kind of soda. He returned with 4 liters of soda along with 2 more 24 can cases. I asked for one bag of ice. I got 2. I asked for a package of celery hearts. I got 3. And it goes on. What a hoot. He was grinning and happy. Jim loves a party.
Folks started to arrive at 5. I must say that next year this will be ever more comfortable as we will have the great room to use. At this stage we were busting out of the seams and I was in seventh heaven. Family faces, friends with love and hugs and smiles, some bearing gifts, some bearing treats but all willing to share together this wonderful time of year.
To those who shared this special time with us I have to say a gracious huge thank you. When you bless our home you leave part of you here for us to still enjoy. The memory of your laughter and sweetness continues. May all the world begin to know this year the love I have around me. I wish that will all the wishes and fairy dust and prayers on my knees and in my greatest imaginings. I wish all to have the security of the Babe in the manger who with such enduring love set out to make it possible for peace on earth and good will toward men. For without His love I would fain to judge and harden and worry. But with it I can love wholeheartedly and unabashadly. And I am so happy to do so.
Praying for blessings from God to all this coming year.

The ages

2010-12-29T06:29:00.000-08:00

I took an old lady out to lunch the other day. Seriously. I can say "an old lady" because she truly is and would consider herself as such. She is 92. She still drives, still has an upstairs apartment, still takes care of herself for the most part. She has definite ideas about how things are and how she wants her surroundings. She is tenacious about her home and set on the color she wants on her nails. She would love to be included in conversations but unfortunately cannot hear most. She has a great sense of humor and laughs at herself along with prodding others with a joke. Her body wants to stop and seize up and she will simply not allow it. Her fingers are riddled with arthritis and every ring she can get on. Her jewelry will wear out and not stay in the box. Her hair will always be done at the same time and she will always have a shampoo set and the ocassional perm with the same color toner.
Some have considered her overbearing and pushy as a younger woman. I say that is the very reason she is still alive and kicking.
She has taught me so much. Her family has taught me as well. You see, the very time that I think I know why someone is so headstrong and stubborn my impression will usually be incorrect. When this lady will say "You have to leave now? I so wish you could stay" she does not mean that your visit isn't good enough and that you will never be as pleasing to her as you would like. She is merely saying "I have so loved your visit and I just don't want it to come to an end."
And when she says "I never have company.  I want the holidays to be over because they make me sad" she is not saying that she is a humbug. She is remembering all the other holidays in her life when she was surrounded by so many that have now passed on. She remembers her husband, mother, father, siblings, cousins.  She is the only one left. She is simply reminded at the holidays that she is "alone".
Her family feels that she has judged them. Her family feels that their actions are never enough, never to her liking. I have learned that she is simply incapable of stating things in any other way. She will choose her words as she always has her entire long life.
I see the strength in her when others may see her weakness.  When her body will not perform or the door that she is attempting to open will simply not budge since it weighs more than she does she is not weak. She is simply frail in body but such strength in her being. She has to be a realist at this stage. Fantasy will not serve her now. Reality is her friend.
What strength it must take to rise every morning, greet the day and choose in. So many "greater" ones have chosen out.
I admire this cantankerous set-in-her-ways lady. I love her home. It echoes of all that have held items there literally through the ages. Her tenacity rings in my heart and she teaches me.
So I will not neglect the simple time to take her to lunch, cut her steak, pack her to-go box, sit and visit in her sweet apartment and eat whatever treat she chooses to give me. I will send her a card in the mail because that is what she accustomed to.  Mail. In the mailbox.
Every time I see her I choose to learn. I choose to love her and honor her.
Sharing it seals the deal.

The snow last week...

2010-12-27T20:50:00.000-08:00

Finally...

2010-12-27T16:41:00.000-08:00

Oliver and Mickie finally got their stocking presents.

Oliver was sooooooo happy.

"I love my toys. Thank you Santa."

Cat Nip Theif

2010-12-27T08:25:00.000-08:00

I heard some tinkling in the other room...went in to see what it was...

It was the infamous Oliver...not only bat killer extraordinaire...but stocking stuffer theif as well.

He doesn't even look or act sorry at all. And he wasn't. Until I took it away and put his stocking out of reach.

kung fu santa 002

2010-12-27T08:13:00.000-08:00

My 100th post...

2010-11-22T21:39:00.000-08:00

So...what to write for my 100th post?

Being close to Thanksgiving I realize the same thing every year and more and deeper each year. I am blessed. I am covered with blessings. I am drowning in them. I breathe them in and I can smell the happiness. For the blessings that I am truly grateful for have very little to do with my things...my stuff. I am grateful for them, don't get me wrong. But they are usually very short lived when it comes to deep true happiness.
Now I realize that I am grateful for good sleep. For peaceful nights. For hearts to continually beat inside the chest of those I really love.
I appreciate how a good movie can change the way I view tragedy or love. Or a really great book.
I am grateful when my husband arrives home safely in the bad weather.
I am so thankful for creativity and sparks of ideas that press in and I must comply immediately for fear they will leave and never return.
I love music. I love how it touches my soul and breaks me open to feel something words cannot express.
I am so happy when a dear friend or family ends the phone conversation with the words "I love you."
I am thankful that all the things my heart holds dear and all the things I know not and all the people that desire peace and health are all in the sweet hands of God. I am thankful I have learned to trust Him. Most of the time. And when I worry it is perfect because that brings me to my knees which is a great place to be.
I love the times when I laugh till I cry and the times when I cry and my husband makes me laugh.
I love the babies that grow into the most amazing people that I have ever met. Ever.

And there is my 100th post.

I am thankful you took the time to read it. I am thankful for you.

Poltergeist?

2010-11-10T20:45:00.000-08:00

Nope. Not a poltergeist. Jim was simply looking for a band aid. But that is how he left it.

It snowed today.

2010-11-10T20:42:00.000-08:00

It snowed today. I know this because my butt hurts. My butt hurts because this morning as Jim left to go downstairs to massage an early morning client he noticed that our alley cat Sweet Pea was there. Usually she doesn't show up in the mornings so he came back to tell me. He knew I would want to give her something to eat. And I did. So I got out of bed and headed to the back door. I opened the door and stepped out with my left foot and noticed at the same time that it had snowed and realized how slick the door mat was from the icy surface. Instantaneously I found myself doing the splits. I didn't know I could do those anymore. So Jim below had heard the thud and hollered "what was that?" I remarked that I had fallen. "Are you OK? That was pretty loud."
Yes, I am OK (I think) and do you really have to remark about the sound I make when slamming down on a hard slick surface? Really?
I took my wet sore body back inside and immediately took some ibuprofen. Starting to stiffen up now.
Pain reminds me I am alive. Very very alive.

Hoodie

2010-10-31T07:18:00.000-07:00

Colder weather requires warmer clothes.

Keep your ears warm and dry.

Wear your hoodie.

Love, Mom

Seaside

2010-10-22T20:11:00.000-07:00

Here is the view from our room at Seaside Oregon over the weekend. We were on the fifth floor of the Best Western Oceanside. It was breathtaking and so refreshing.

A Sweet Pea Update

2010-10-12T21:52:00.000-07:00

Earlier I told of the kitty that started coming around and has learned our feeding times. Now it seems everyday she gets more comfortable with us. This warms my heart since winter is coming. Perhaps she will trust us enough to allow us to provide some kind of shelter for her. Now she shows up around 7:00 and whereas 9:00 was the appointed treat time, she has upped it quite a bit.
Now we can sit with her as she eats and as she eats she keeps one eye on the feeder at all times ready to run from whatever threat her instincts tell her might be there. Ever so closely we have been able to be.
Three days ago I held my breath when my hand brushed the top of her. As she went down 2 steps she looked at me as if to say, "Do you mind?" She keeps coming closer and I am realizing that patience in love is always a good thing. She reminds me that some have been so abused and misused and seem invisible that the mere touch is a threat. These are the ones that I must be patient with and know that their world is filled with pain and going without whereas mine has been gratefully filled with comfort and reassurance.

To those that are in my life that God has planted I will be patient. My love that comes deep from the heart of heaven can wait for you to be able to let my love in. I will not push. I will give you room. But know that even from over here I love you deeply.

"A Good Day" With Brother David Steindl-Rast

2010-10-04T05:58:00.000-07:00

Sounds of Main Street

2010-10-03T22:08:00.000-07:00

Since Jim and I live on Main Street I can sometimes hear the strangest things. I hear the music from the Karaoke bar down the street. I hear Mexican music sometimes from the park. I hear bells from our windchimes but I hear other bells too. They drift across the lawn of the park and across the few lots to my window. I hear drag racing. Just now as a matter of fact. I hear the industrial sized heat pump from the next roof and I hear alley cats fighting over the food I put out to keep them full and secure and out of the garbage. I hear conversations that would probably never want to be overheard and I hear the single man that spends way too many nights down at the pub on his way home as he sings a funny song. I hear every kind of horn on every car. Right now someone is laying on their horn beckoning someone to "get back in the car!" It sounds like a toy car horn and I have to go see what kind of car makes that sad beep. Strangely it was from a tiny pickup. I know the difference between a police siren, a fire engine siren and an ambulance. I hear the cows mooing as they are mingling about at the Livestock commission.
I hear car radios and very large trucks carrying milk to the processing plant. I hear planes and trains and say a prayer whenever I hear the life flight overhead, the next door shop has the funniest bell notifying the back entrance has just been used. I hear my own clock and the clock at the Catholic church a couple of blocks away.
In the middle of the night (and I don't care whether you believe it or not so don't bother telling me if you don't) voices and conversations that seem to come out of the walls. Tender sweet conversations that are so close to me understanding their words but never quite there.
This summer I heard many a bat flying down my hall. I hear Oliver either chasing one of those or lately a bug from outside that will meet its demise and I hear Mickey pretending to be in some kind of great battle as she tears around every corner.
In the morning I can hear the dryer downstairs as the tanning salon hums and flows. I hear Randy watering the flowers and conversing with Kathy as they review their weekend doings.
I hear people coming and going and whistling and humming and instructions yelled across the street for an extra crispy french fry order.
But late at night is when I hear the best. It is so quiet and yet so noisy. I wonder if I could ever live where it is quiet. I can't recall ever living somewhere in a "normal" neighborhood where folks mostly complain about a dog barking in the middle of the night. Now that is one thing I don't hear very often at all. Strange. I wonder what I would do if I lived somewhere where there was no noise.
A couple of months ago I heard God speak to me. Perhaps that was not a voice that others would hear. Perhaps He spoke to my heart but I heard Him nevertheless.
Methinks this is a good thing. A place where I can listen and hear. That works for me. Many folks would not be able to endure it. I get that. But for me I hear the best when there is so much to hear.
There is a jet flying overhead. I wonder where they are headed. Me? I am headed to bed.

Beauty

2010-09-28T06:38:00.000-07:00

Aren't these luscious? My sweet sister got these for me the other day at the Farmer's Market. There are so many they barely fit in the vase and I have to be careful otherwise they will fall over!
I love Fall and all its blessings including explosions like this. Thanks Dinane!

Gracey is one!!!

2010-09-27T06:07:00.000-07:00

What a fun day. I cannot believe it's been a year! With her pig tails that remind me so of her mother when she was so small and fairy wings, wand and tutu she was the bell of the ball. She had a blast so the rest of us did too.
All the girls received tutus, wands and wings of their own and the boys received shields and swords. I think the idea was for them to protect the fairy princesses but knowing boys and girls, it was a slightly different story. But all had fun and Gracey most of all.

Who is that bald guy?

2010-09-25T06:27:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I forgot to post Jim's picture after shaving his head. I am now getting used to it but the first day he did it I was not happy. Being forewarned I got even more wound up about it. This was a great lesson for me.
Do I have the right to tell anyone (including the person I live with) how they get to express themselves? Do I get to demand a defined set of behavior? I realize now how healthy it is to allow Jim to express himself as he sees fit. I am not proud of the fact that I had threatened him saying "I will never go out to dinner with you like that." I swiftly took it back when I got hungry the second day.
Jim will continue this maintenance program as long as he wants. But there will come a day when this constant shaving will get old. In the mean time, I have come to like it. As strange as that sounds, I have decided to like him no matter how he looks. And he doesn't look bad.
I like the nickname one of my more demure clients called him. It's one of my favorites and I think it sticks.
Slick.

Can you hear the laughter?

2010-09-13T19:15:00.000-07:00

Getting back into life...

2010-09-10T11:43:00.000-07:00

For some time now I have carried burdens around and gulped them down as if I believed they actually would stay down. And yet they rear their head for they are unresolved and unlearned lessons that ought to be embraced instead of pushed aside. I push them aside because my limited perspective will not allow my eyes to see the entire picture. So I go to fear instead of trust.
God asks us to do things sometimes easy, sometimes crazy sounding, sometimes heart-wrenching. Why? Because He wants to see how much pain we will endure in trusting Him? Because He loves to see His children squirm? Because we have done something wrong and therefore He must chastise? No! He does all things for my learning, for me to draw close to Him, for me to learn that He is dependable and can see way farther than my limited eyesight is able.
So God told me to do something. Something painful and difficult. Something that I could not swallow. And then He asked me to trust Him. Simply trust. And wait for further instructions.
"Will You make it so clear that even my fearful heart will know when it is time and how it will be? Can I trust You that You know me so well that You know I cannot stand too long of a wait for anything? Will You comfort me as I have sleepless nights and cry tears that cannot find an end?"
God simply desires for me to recieve His promptings, accept them so we can get a move on. But I had to agonize first. Stupid yes, but understandable.
Yes, He made it clear. Yes, He surrounded me with unconditional love from those this would directly affect. I have no words to describe the love I feel for them.
And so I go forth. Like entering the fog I go where He has told me to go. He will show me my steps as they appear before me. I need not fear the rest of the path. He knows the way.

Dear George,

2010-09-10T11:30:00.001-07:00

You came to us disguised as severely close to death. Lack of water and food made you so skinny that I cried buckets when I saw you. Because you would not eat we had to feed you for a month until we jumped up and down with glee when you finally ate on your own. So many days we wondered "What will George eat today? Will he like this kind of food? Or this kind?" Often you would change your mind about what you would eat and what you would not in the same day. But because everytime we picked you up you leaned in and let us love on you like no other cat I had experienced before. Perhaps it was gratitude. Perhaps the family that lost you already knew how amazing you were. I said many prayers for them so that they would be at peace knowing that somehow George was being loved. What was your name before you came to us? We never knew but you grew to love your name and looked around everytime someone said it. Every family has one of those that is a little "touched." You were ours. That made you even more lovable. So simple. So easy. So much.
Thank you for loving Jim so well. He is different since you came to us. His heart is bigger because of you. And mine too.
Your place is empty and we mourn that so often. We find comfort that you are not hungry anymore. We find solace that you know how much we love you.
We miss you.
Love,
Mom and Dad

Sweet Pea

2010-08-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

Within the last two months or so we have been feeding a kitty that lives around here. I know, I know...feeding an alley cat? Am I crazy? But one night around 1 am I awake to hear an enormous sound of unhappy cat coming from what I thought was outside. So I quickly get to the open back door (the weather was so nice and this was before I wised up about the bats) and found no cats. So turning back into my house I realize that Oliver (aka Killer) has cornered a very frightened and apparently extremely hungry cat that has snuck into the house for a bite to eat. He was now on top of the dryer wide-eyed looking desperate to escape this predicament. After leaping a screeching cat claws over and around and out I came to the conclusion it would be a lot easier to feed this cat and keep him out of the house, out of the garbage and my heart calmer.
So, as we feed our kitties their 9 pm treat I began to feed the one outside. He was very aloof and for so long I never did see him but the food would be gone in moments.
Pretty soon as I went outside I would see him coming up the alley at 9 pm. He definately has a clock. And he knows the time for food.
So eventually I would be able to talk to him as he was eating without him running away.
Now, I can go down the stairs and before I am five or so up he will come right up and eat. Still, though, he will have nothing to do with me being close. But he definatley knows my voice. I know this because the other night my friend and I pull up to the back of the house in her car and I told her that if Jim has not fed the alley cat yet he will be waiting. And waiting he was.
As she turned off the motor and lights I opened my door to reassure him that I was here and don't be scared...it's just me and my friend. As he heard my voice he stopped and relaxed. He let us walk by him as he kept a 10 foot clearance but did not run away. This makes my heart happy. To know that in his unsafe world of hiding and searching for food and he lives every day without a stroke of comfort that we provide some kind of comfort for him.
I was able to catch a couple of pics of him last night. I until I zoomed in with my camera was able to see his markings and face for the first time.
I call him Sweet Pea. And no, I don't know why. But if real men can eat quiche, this cat can be called Sweet Pea. And he likes it.

Jim's Garden

2010-08-14T16:00:00.000-07:00

Here is the current pictures of Jim's "garden". It has grown so well and seems that the alley is not such a bad place to have a garden. We have already eaten cukes and tomatoes and squash. And there are a few sweet flowers to bless the alley goers.

ferever.

2010-08-08T18:26:00.000-07:00

It has been "ferever" since I have blogged!!! My computer was such a mess and everything took sooooo long and I just didn't have what it took to sit and wait. I am so desiring patience in my life but am not willing to pay the price to ask to learn it!
So this morning in Sunday School Tuesday was my only student so of course, we had one of our "talks". I asked her how things were going with her Mom and the baby yet to come. She reminded me that his name will be Texas. She also informed me that he will not be attending church. Every Sunday he will be having his teeth checked. So just ferget him coming cuz he won't. I realized that she must be having some issues with her space and keeping it to herself. I sure know that. I love my place. I will protect it and keep others from invading it. I love my space because there I am special and prized and I am listened to. So when others want to invade my space I can recognize that they deserve to have those wonderful feelings too. I just want them to find their own!
This morning during worship songs I mentally saw all of us in the throne room of God and saw us all together there. There are no special spots in that room. There is equal wonderful glorious places for each of us. No back seat, no front seat, no sections seperated from one another. No one less or more than the other. Each one looking to the throne as our focus and looking to the next declaration, the next prayer, the next hurting soul to love on.
It is good that as each of us learn who we really are and let God take hold that even though there is no first in line, second in line, etc. each one is special, divine, gifted, loved.
Just one thing though. Tuesday, what is that dentist going to see at first anyway? Just a lot of gums and no teeth. Crazy girl.

My Summer To-Do List

2010-07-07T18:08:00.000-07:00

I was inspired to make a summer to-do list from Emily's blog I read today. Maybe if it's written down, I'll actually do some of these things!

1. Knock off three of my books that I so much desire to read.
2. Have a picnic on some grass.
3. Devote serious time to reflection and spiritual quietness.
4. Complete a children's story. Just one. Work on many. Complete one.
5. Get to the gym at least three times a week.
6. Rise early to enjoy the beginning of each day on the deck with a cup of coffee.
7. Be grateful.
8. Continue learning to take a tease. Lighten up.
9. Take a class. Cooking, beading, writing, something.
10. Love on my husband everyday with kindness and play and have fun and LAUGH!!!

Fairy Story

2010-07-04T21:43:00.001-07:00

As downtown Twin Falls celebrates the summer we enjoy a concert at the fountain every Wednesday night for 6 weeks. It's so much fun. We sit outside the salon and friends gather and the enjoyment ensues.
The other night Coco and Rachel visited our gathering. Coco is barely 6 and Rachel is "I not free no more...I four. I not free no more...I four." four.
After the concert they decided that going up to the deck was just the thing so up they went and I followed.
I have a special little place on my deck that involves an old standing metal bird cage. I have created a special place. It's a fairy house. The fairy house has many items there including a live ivy plant that is thankfully flourishing after the plastic plants were taken away. There are special stones in and out of the plant and there are also small sweet solar lights too. Along with that is some fairy dust. Amiah assisted me to find the perfect holders for the glitter.
As I explained the special spot to Coco and Rachel their eyes filled with wonder. They stood looking intently for any sign of what most would say a non-existent winged creature. They were very quiet.
I interrupted their study and pinched a small amount of the fairy dust and then sprinkled it on Coco's head. She stood so still and watched as I glitterfied her hair.
Quietly and reverently watched Rachel. She almost held her breath. Out of her came a whispered solemn question.
"Can you fly now Coco?"

Sometimes I get the privelage of seeing the world through the eyes of the wondrous world of a 'I not three no more...I four' year old. I too held my breath and watched this sweet question land to my ears.
Blessings on all who believe in fairies. My belief has been revived. Thank you Rachel.

The deck is changing...

2010-06-27T17:25:00.000-07:00

The deck has come a long way in the last few weeks. Amazing how things can grow and get established. Good thing since we had a killer windstorm the other night that like to snatch me bald-headed. Lovin the beauty and the color. Lovin the serenity (who would ever imagine when living downtown?) and lovin the space.

Just in case...I love you.

2010-06-24T06:05:00.000-07:00

So my grandchildren took off to Colorado a couple of weeks ago and have now safely returned. They were concerned about being gone for so long and were having a hard time saying goodbye. I know they wanted me to come along and that just was not going to happen so the goodbyes were furrowed brows but fine.
So the next day I get a phonecall from Ammon. He sounded somewhat concerned when he told me that there had been a tornado warning and some sightings of golf ball sized hail. He said "I'm calling to tell you 'I love you' just in case we don't make it. We are searching for shelter now." There was some laughter in the background but I knew that Ammon was taking this seriously!
I asked if they knew where they would go and he said "We have to find shelter. I'll call you when we are in shelter."
I reassured him and told him how very much I loved him and also that there was assigned protection around their car. (I had asked specifically for angels to guard their travel.) I then waited for the next call.
He called a little while later and said "We are at shelter. We made it!" His tone was breathy and relieved. I smiled and told him how happy I was to hear that they had made it safely. I then asked where they were.
He said "McDonalds."
And there you go.

Enchanting...

2010-06-05T06:35:00.000-07:00

The other night some friends stopped by to chat for a sec and I took them out on the deck and lit up the lights. In the dark of the evening they glow just right. As we stood there one of my young friends McKenzie breathes in as if to say "oooooooh". What she said next made my heart sing. She said "It's enchanting." Yes! How exciting that when visitors come they see what I see and what I intended. I love that together Jim and I create some fun fun stuff. And whenver I am hesitant to give Jim the 'go-ahead' to create something that I don't completely see as my vision I can simply relax because whatever that guy comes up with is always so awesome.
Have I mentioned before that I LOVE my home?
Well, just in case you missed it, I do. Love it.
Come on over sometime and sit on the deck and have a cup. You will love it too.

Jim's "garden"

2010-05-16T21:08:00.000-07:00

Jim decided that the two strips of dirt along the next door neighbor's alley would make a great garden spot. So he decided to work the dirt, find some material to hold tomatoes, spuds, cucumbers and squash. So here he is planting some spuds. He is such a hoot. We bought the cucumbers, squash and tomatoes today. Will keep ya'll updated!

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T06:33:00.000-07:00

God is so smart. He chose the most perfect Mom for me. I can't imagine anyone who could do for me what she has done as being my Mom. So many have commented to me what a wonderful woman my mother is...and I agree. She is an outstanding giver. She has the most true pure sense of humor. She cooks like no other (and no one can argue with that!). She taught me how to see the world with sensibility and reality. She believes in me. She fiercely loves. She protects when necessary and stands away when it is time for her chicks to learn and try. When one of us succeeds she can't hold in the joy. Her grandchildren called her blessed let alone her immediate family. Sacrifice and joyful sacrifice at that. Pivitol moments in my life my memory turns to look around and there...yes!...there I see her face. It is filled with joy and honor and if I look REAL close I can see those pompoms she must hold very high above her head to cheer me on.
What I don't see are the tears and prayers that are given on our families behalf. She lets God take her concerns and she leaves all those precious ones of hers on His majestic throne to care for and guide.
Did she make mistakes? Probably. But then she taught me how to deal with them. I do not shirk away from a problem because my momma taught me how to face it. Have I ever told you that, Mom? That skill came from you?
My post could be miles long, literally. So I will hold the rest in my heart and cherish those words for me as they are so personal and sweet.
And so today, my heart could not be any more full than right now at this very moment. I am thrilled to declare Happy Mother's Day.
I love you so much Momma. Thank you.

Sunrise

2010-05-08T07:16:00.000-07:00

I have felt so terrible physically this whole week and this morning I awoke in time to see the sunrise. What a gift! I love that this morning I feel like I will be OK and that all is right with the world. I know that everytime I feel so awful it works so well for me in that when I feel better then I can be so grateful. And so here it is again. The sun reminds me that God is at work always and is so consistent.

The Angel of Main Street

2010-04-25T07:15:00.000-07:00

Jim brought us the newest sweetest addition to our building. He called me at the end of the day wondering when I was to be finished for the day. Through a ton of wind through the phone I knew he was outside. Asked me to go out to the front and look up and when I did I must admit I cried. The Angel is so beautiful. He is constantly blessing Main Street day and night. We love him more and more every day. Thank you sweetheart for this wonderful thoughtful addition.

Diane introduces Gracey to ICE CREAM!!!

2010-04-19T09:18:00.000-07:00

Gracey McDonald. Amazing Baby. Carson McDonald with Easter bucket on head. Imposing.

2010-04-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

Go with the flow...

2010-04-19T08:34:00.001-07:00

Go with the flow. Such well known words. Seems like I hear those words too late. Just when I am in the middle of a fuss or things are not going like I had planned or for some reason I have decided that I am going to fight the world then I realize that early on I could have chosen to go with the flow. When I consider water and how it moves and ebbs and sometimes rushes there is very little that anyone can do about it. When water is flowing everyone has to respond. If there is a flood then one must evacuate or if it is in your home then seems like forever cleaning it up. But water doesn't have weapons as it doesn't need any. It just goes. And when something stops its direction it merely finds another or goes over. There isn't a war of which is stronger. Water just is. I want to be like water. Easy, moving, alive and never afraid of what is in the way. Just flow through or around. Don't freeze in fear or agenda but seeing everything as a possibility and opportunity rather than a hastle or battle. Refreshing and nourishing, a giver of life and greatly desired.

The Lighting of the Deck!

2010-04-10T12:35:00.000-07:00

Jim hung the deck lights the other day. First, the weather was cloudy, then windy, then raining, then hail, then SNOW! Finally it was complete and here are the results!

Easter...

2010-04-02T06:22:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter. Yes! What a victorious time. I love that Jesus was such an example to me even in death because He represents the victory even over death. So, when death happens I remember that even though I do not see the victory there is definately one stupendous victory goin on over on the other side. This makes me sing!
So, if there is even victory in death then there can be victory in all of the other things in my life that may look tragic and painful. There is another side and I can choose to stay singing.
So, problems, challenges, annoyances, misunderstandings...take that!

"Up from the grave He arose...

with a mighty triumph o'er His foes...

He arose the victor from the dark domain...

And He lives forever with His saints to reign..."

The Winnings

2010-03-21T06:46:00.000-07:00

Aren't they crazee?

B-I-N-G-O

2010-03-21T06:38:00.000-07:00

Went to Bingo the other night and won won won. Ammon and Amiah both won two baskets each and then Ammon won the Blackout. He wanted to win that sooooo bad. The prize was a BSU fleece blanket, a BSU DVD against TCU and a sheet cake.
When they arrived home there was shocked faces and some excited kids.

The First Fire

2010-03-21T06:30:00.000-07:00

We couldn't wait to light a fire in our new firepit. It was fun and cold and warm and dark and light all at the same time. Smiles on this face.

Dad's hands

2010-03-14T07:55:00.001-07:00

My dad's hands are one of my favorite parts of him. As he lay in the hospital bed there are a few little things that I notice more than his hands. I see his eyes (sometimes when he is not resting). I see the line of tubes and needles and beeps and flashing numbers. But I see his hands.
When I was little I loved those hands because those large capable hands could fix anything. They could make sure I was safe and pick me up to sit on shoulders. They could open the most stubborn lid. They held tools that would create beautiful functional leather pieces. They occasionally were my regretful spankers.
Later in my life I miss that those hands should fix everything. Now I must fix many of my own messes and calm my own fears. I sit in the hands of God. But as my father is infirmed in this time his hands are so sweet. They are the emblem of his strength. I hold those hands and they hold mine. It feels good. I am there to comfort but instead his hands comfort me.

Worries...

2010-02-28T06:57:00.000-08:00

Jesus told me personally to let your worries be in His Father's hands. He said be thankful for today and let tomorrow take care of itself. He said the birds of the air are to be my example of no worries. Yet my anxious heart goes crazy. I can feel the weight of my world and it quite frankly, feels like too much.
How does one learn this lesson of the ages? How does one learn to trust implicitly with a child that has no one who really truly cares for them? How does one learn to let another learn their lessons and take their own chances without getting my opinions and my learned lessons in their way?
And Father in heaven, how do I learn to trust you with my own father on this earth? How do I let you have his health and vitality and wellness and me not worry? This is a big one for me. You know Lord, that I want to be anxious. It is my assumed job. A job that You never assigned to me.
And so I minute by minute let go of the white knuckled grip of worry over to You. Less and less this grasp of control as it yeilds its way to trust and acceptance. For You are to be trusted. You are worthy of my most valuable ones. You are capable and ready. You have proven Yourself over and over again and my heart need not be tormented.
Guide me at what I should do, how to accomplish this.

Check out the "Before" pics slide

2010-02-09T21:21:00.000-08:00

Over there to the right there is a slide show of some pics of the house before we started. Scary!

2010-02-07T13:51:00.000-08:00

Don't you wish!
What are you wishing for?

The Deck is Finished!!!

2010-02-07T07:23:00.001-08:00

There is frost on the wood. I will post other pics that show the beauty of the wood. It is really gorgeous.

So,what do you think?

Deck Details

2010-02-07T07:23:00.000-08:00

Our deck has been constructed in the back of our downtown business/home. Living upstairs we had nowhere to sit outside. So last summer we began the process. Built on steel footings it reaches 16 feet in the air. It is 25 feet by 25 feet cradled by two brick walls. One wall is the back of our house with the kitchen window, dining room window and back door entrance. The other wall is of the neighboring business which sweetly is a flower shop! So one corner of the deck is nestled with the two walls. We installed a spiral staircase that climbs from the carport up to the deck and back door.
I have one word to describe...
SAAAAWEEEEEET!

Looking for a "deck style"

2010-02-07T07:13:00.000-08:00

I have never really had a deck. I mean I have had a deck of cards but that isn't what I am talking about. A real deck that grown ups have to decorate from scratch. Now we had an awesome patio at the house on Addison. It was surrounded by trees and fences and it was a little space that I could tuck plants and chairs into with a few candles and lights and it was quaint and easy. But this deck? Wow. It's big and different and a clean slate.
I definately want to grow big plants in big planters and lots of flowers and green. I have that covered. But what to sit on? What to use? What lasts? What is comfy? What is the best use of the space?
Hmmmmmm. Any ideas?

(and just so you know for those of you who read my blog but don't comment all it takes is a Google account. Easy to do. Just go to Google and create an account. I use this account mostly only here. Then you can talk to me!)

Tuesday

2010-02-01T21:40:00.000-08:00

Tuesday is a sweet little girl in my Wednesday Nite Out class and my Sunday School class. She is adorable. No, she really is. She will keep you on your toes and let you know when things aren't up to snuff.
So the other Sunday morning I could not be there so I asked sweet Janice to take my place. She reported that Tuesday walked hesitantly into class and swiftly asked "Where's Teacher?" Janice reported her assignment as substitute and Tuesday regretfully sat. After the class was half way completed Janice said that she felt things were going very well. Tuesday pipes up to dash her hopes. "You know, Teacher is a lot more fun than you are."

enough is enough...

2010-02-01T16:34:00.000-08:00

Yep...all day long I have yanked things out and put them in a better working order. Feels good. I love knowing where everything is and that it is in it's place. I remember earlier in my life having stuff that had no place and could not figure out for the life of me why this cool stuff would get on my nerves. Then I realized that even the best stuff needs a place. An organized place. Seems like everywhere I turn I have things out of place. Is that a reflection for other things in my life?
Yep, probably. I know that self reflection is the best place to be. I see that I have some things out of order and some things I over do. Somehow overcompensating for all that I have out of balance. Like putting more weight on one end of the teeter totter and nothing on the side that is precariously mid-air.
So balance is the new order. Not too much sleep but enough. Not too much food but enough. Not so much work but enough.
Enough is good. I like enough.
Enough (noun) -an adequate quantity. -sufficient for the purpose. -as much as necessary.
Enough of this.

Update on the deck...

2010-01-18T18:35:00.000-08:00

In the midst of winter and raging winds and rain (drama drama drama) Jim finally was able to get the boards on the deck completely attached. We had purchased a very heavy table that has been hanging out down on the parking pad for months. So Jim rented a hyster today and lifted it up. Even in winter things CAN get accomplished! (If you click on the last pic it will enlarge it and you can see the goofy face that I get to see all the time but others never do)

shnikies...

2010-01-13T06:38:00.001-08:00

That last post bit me in the butt. Yep. I am now having such a time of getting to the top of my days lately. What? I have such bad news surrounding me? No. Impending doom yet to turn the corner? I don't know. I have a burden to carry? Nope. Instead I feel like it is a burden I get to throw off. And yet, I like it for the moment. It's a burden I have carried almost my entire life and now I see it is a burden where before I thought it was the way it was. A fact of life. A trueness. But it's not. It's not true, real or factual. I must have made it up and then decided that it was true for everyone and no wonder I have been disappointed when others don't play by that rule. I cannot be disappointed as they (others) have consistently been living true and it is I that have been in the dark. Crap.
I cannot share the thing I have held as it is too intimate, too personal. But what I am willing to share is that when faced with truth and another's real feelings about it I must make a choice to honor it instead of stay in my crossed-arm-across-my-chest demand that I have my way. When I ask for the truth and it is given, will I choose to hate it or love it? Do I choose to accept it and move in another direction other than my pretend real or do I want to stay in my lala land? I like my lala land. So I could stay. But then, I would be on the outside of truth and that will not serve me.
Lord, create in me a clean heart. Cleanse me of this demand to have it my way. Wipe the slate clean so that I can see the truth and love it. Thank you.

Happiness...my choice.

2010-01-09T09:43:00.000-08:00

Yes, as the years pass I realize how much happiness is a choice. How I desire to always choose it. When smacked in the face with difficult people (who seem to make it their daily ambition to get under my skin), traumatic illness, death, when others choose actions that dramatically affects so many around them and in the world, and just plain boredom, I can still choose happiness.
Happiness has a bad rap. For some they will say I may not be happy but I have joy.(This is stated in the most pious form.) Please pardon me if you have said that from the deepest part of you. I realize that we have been trained to believe that God does not want us to be happy. That somehow carrying around a burden is my responsibility. But for some they say this almost as an excuse of sorts to keep from making the choice to be happy.
Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life and life abundantly." I really think He would love for my choice to be to rest, breathe, and love. When I act in faith that all is well and in it's perfect order then I can easily choose happiness. When I know that my life is perfect and resting in the hands of a loving kind Father then I can choose happiness.
This is my goal. This is the way I want to live. I choose happiness.

Christmas 2009

2010-01-01T12:09:00.000-08:00

I had so much fun this year with these Scrabble board for each neice. Each board was personalized for each individual. I stole this idea from Lisa and am I happy she created the idea to begin with! They were a blast and I think they were a hit! Diane was so tickled to show Zoe their nativity. We had Christmas dinner at Diane and Charley's. There was a photo op and we took advantage of it! In attendance: Mom and Dad (celebrating their 53rd wedding anniversary on the 22nd), Diane, Charley, Meg, Dave, Bev, Angelica, Zoe, Hadassah, Alex, Travis, Staci, Aubrey, her boyfriend Micah, his brother Nathan, Lizzy, her boyfriend Alec, Leila, Phil, Jim and me!

2010...Wow.

2010-01-01T11:18:00.000-08:00

And so here we are. 2010. Amazing. My life is so full it's hard to imagine that one more good thing can fit. But I welcome it. Yes, all things that come are good. Sometimes I question that fact, but the reality is everything happens for a reason. It will take it's place in my life and provide whatever it came to provide. I just get to take hold of it and grasp it for what it is to me.
I am ever so grateful for 2009. With it brought a wonderful 2 new great neices (one arriving at just the last minute!), a potentially awesome deck for fun and beauty in 2010, illness and wellness, new friends, the beginning of a new great nephew, triumphs, weight loss and weight gain, so many memories of laughter and tears, creativity and the birth of more creativity.
2010...here I come. Watch out cuz I am on a roll!

2 Sides to Every Story

2009-12-14T20:42:00.001-08:00

It's a funny thing...we always want others to see our side of the story but often we only see ours and ours alone. It's a tough thing to see the possibility of someone else just doing the best they can. I know it's tough for me. When another chooses to act in a way that I would not choose I can quickly move into judgment. I can quickly say "What an idiot! Why would anyone see that as a healthy idea or action?" Well, the reality is: Very few of us choose the hard way. Most of the time people choose what they perceive as the best way possible. Believe it or not, that woman ahead of you in line isn't really that rude, she may have a sick husband at home and the line has not moved in the last 5 minutes and she just wants to get home to give him his medicine to get him comfy and resting. I would love to say that I have decided that once and for all I will always see the world as there is two sides to every story. But I will fail. Unfortunately, I am new at it. So I am asking for some assistance. I would love to count on you (yes, YOU) to provide for me the necessary reminder that I can choose to see that there are other ways of looking at someone and their behavior. I would love to shift into that magical place where I can actually choose to love someone unconditionally and I believe this may be key in that goal.
So when I see my world, I can see that everyone is simply doing the best that they can. When they ask for some insight or suggestion from me I will be there to help. But until then, I must respect that God is at work in each and every one of us in His perfect way and orchestrating the world we live in to teach us. He is much better at it than I would ever be. So, I trust Him. And I trust you. I trust you to be learning right along with me.
Whew.

It's a beautiful day...

2009-11-19T06:02:00.001-08:00

It is still dark outside, so how do I know it's a beautiful day? Since my eyes opened from a wonderful restful sleep (and sometimes these days that isn't a given) I have been in gratitude. I can see twinkling lights from the Christmas trees around the house. I hear a purring sweet sound in my ear. My sweet man has his hand resting on my shoulder. I see pictures of loved ones and upon seeing them I have floods of memories rushing in. I know the sun will come up because God is in His splendor and has created a world where the sun always comes up. I know today I will work, smile, laugh, maybe cry, love on people and they on me. I know tonight I will feel my granddaughters arms around my neck. I know my grandson will call me at least 5 times today if not 6 to ask when I am coming to pick him up. I know I will have energy to do all this and tonight when I lay my head on the pillow I will rest again.
I am grateful for all of these. And so much more. I choose today to see all the things I have thanks for and in so doing it will all roll just the way it was intended. And it will be easier than if I started off without gratitude.
That works for me.

20 Little Things to Treasure in Autumn

2009-11-05T04:59:00.000-08:00

I found this list on The Inspired Room blog:

20 Little Things To Treasure in Autumn

Quiet dinners by the fire
Reading mystery novels in darkened rooms
Flannel sheets at the end of a long day
Candles Flickering
Smelling cinnamon, oranges & cloves
Pumpkins
Roasts, Potatoes & Carrots
Fluffy feather beds on a cold night
Watching movies snuggled in soft blankets
Cozy socks
Pie in the oven
Warm crackling wood stoves
Squash with buttered brown sugar
Chili and corn bread smothered in honey
Wind blowing through leaves
Glow of lamps through windows
Laughter filling a room
Scrabble and popcorn
Caramel apples
Family

So here's my list:

Leaves falling on Main Street
Cats snuggling in a little more
Soup: Jim's favorite Autumn Squash Soup
Squash: You know the hearty dense baked sustenance
Blankets
Inspiration: Feeling the juices flowing, this is the time of year it comes for me
Planning: For Thanksgiving, Christmas, parties, programs at church, Advent
Getting out the Recipe book
Meat roasting in the crock pot
Trees showing off their beautiful colors
Daylight Savings Time: An extra hour!
Long Sleeps: So much easier to sleep in the cool
Martha Stewart magazine
Noticing other's creativity: Others are so creative and then I steal their ideas!
Browns Oranges Rusts Coppers: The colors of fall
Planning where to put the Christmas Trees
Socks: I never wear them until now!
Crisp Air: Love it! So invigorating!
Hot Tea: I pull out my tea pot and my pretty cups and saucers
Bold Coffee: You know the kind that tastes like a meal!

That's the ones off the top of my head. What are yours?

Emilie Sloan: Emilie Sloan Tote Bags - Silver Spoon Pre-Emmy Event Sept. 2009

2009-11-01T12:32:00.000-08:00

Emilie Sloan: Emilie Sloan Tote Bags - Silver Spoon Pre-Emmy Event Sept. 2009

Dinner at the Loft

2009-10-31T15:37:00.000-07:00

I asked Jim to go into the closet with the ladder and retreive the toys from up there. We don't have many little ones around normally but are prepared when they grace our home. There is a kitchen and one box with assorted toys that are simply thrown in. We were having a big dinner at the house and I knew Carson and Abbey would be coming. So when Carson realized there was a kitchen he not only wanted to cook for everyone but was willing to wear the badge of honor:the apron. So sweet. He had a ball.

Learning...

2009-10-31T06:09:00.000-07:00

It is an amazing complexity of life...learning. In order for me to learn most of the time it requires some kind of pain. Sometimes big pain, sometimes small but usually pain. It gets my attention like nothing else. When pain hits it is the loudness of it, the strength of it that grabs my sight and awareness and then I can get the lesson. I find it interesting that when I choose to learn from difficulty rather than mope and complain and relish in the injustice then I have a new set of eyes. I then can see where my part was played in the drama. I can see where I knew this was a bad idea or when I should have spoken up or how I could have caused a whole change in the chain of events by being aware and speaking my truth. No one else can speak it for me. I alone know my heart and its stirrings and I alone am responsible to be true to it. So this time I have learned with some significant pain that when I am struck with the "gut" feeling I must act in love and honor all the while preventing others pain as well. If I had simply spoken what I knew to be true then I would have been unstung and others would have been spared it as well. Yes, I could wallow in that alone for days, but I refuse it. I love it instead because it is my teacher. I learn from this experience and learn it well. I learn that when God tells me to move or act or speak then I must. Unless I want more pain and more learning! Then I remain in the victim-hood of life and never learn a blessed thing. That is my choice.
Today I choose to learn. I love this lesson and its pain too for now I know more than ever how to listen to the still small voice and do as it says.
Can I hear an amen?
Onward to the day I go.

A fun place to look

2009-10-27T06:06:00.001-07:00

I found this fun fun fun site with all kinds of stuff!!! Check it out:
http://www.livinglocurto.com/
There is a link on my blog list too. Make certain you look at the spectacular house tour. Unbelievable!

Have the best day full of creativity, imagination and spark.

He's growing up.

2009-10-20T21:33:00.000-07:00

He just insists on growing up. What am I to do? I watch him. I listen. I hear. I laugh. I encourage. I believe. There isn't a day that passes that I don't think of the blessings in my life and he is one of the top of the list. His sister is such a joy. Thank you Lord for this growing learning blessing. He teaches me so often and I am grateful.

The Corn Maze

2009-10-20T21:21:00.000-07:00

We had a blast at the corn maze...even though when we arrived we discovered that it was to be done in the dark...duh. Oh well, we still went ahead and had fun in spite of Ammon's observation "This is pretty lame Meema." And with a shrug he went ahead and had so much fun and made us laugh and have a better time than we would ever have had without him.

2009-10-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

The Power of a Smile

2009-10-11T17:51:00.000-07:00

This morning (quite early and still dark) I was headed to Starbucks. OK, some of you will not be able to get over the fact that I DRIVE to Starbucks...I do so there. Anyway, I was driving and it was COLD. The air was a little damp and I had not yet grasped the day yet. Empty of thought and unaware of the beauty of the beginning of the day my eye was drawn to a woman on her bike (remember I said it was cold) and she was headed across Blue Lakes SMILING. I thought "is she really smiling?" And indeed she was. Smiling in the cold, smiling riding bike, smiling in the dark, smiling.
I thought "I'm not smiling." I was not necessarily unhappy nor unsatisfied or even preoccupied. But I had not yet made the decision that she beat me to. She decided to smile long before I did. She had decided this day was great and was happy to be in it. (And no, she did not look loco.)
So, what else was I to do? I smiled too. I wondered how many other people decided to smile when they saw her pearly whites. I wondered how many saw her on that busy road and their day too was confronted with her contagious behavior.
So, I determined that I too would follow in her grinness and be a contagious one of smiling too. So, I began to smile. Driving down the road smiling. And you know what happened? I began to SEE. I saw the beauty of the changing colors, I saw the beauty in the face that handed me my Americano. I saw the beauty in the sky as it began to unfold the day. And I saw my reflection in my rear view mirror and saw my own beauty.
How many people were infected today by that one guilty smiler? I would venture to say many many more than if she had not blessed just me with her grin.
So, take the challenge. Go on. Do it. Grin. I dare you.

SNOW

2009-10-04T15:04:00.000-07:00

Yep...it snowed today. October 4, 2009 and it snowed. It started early this morning and went until about 3:00 pm. So much fun! It's fun since there is no slick roads or ice, just pretty snow. We sat in our nook and watched the snow and ate steamy soup.

Gracey is here!!!

2009-10-04T06:22:00.000-07:00

She is absolutely beautiful. Amazing and perfect. Don't you love what she did when her mommy showed her toes?! She arrived on September 25, 2009 at 8 lbs 4 oz and was 19.5 in long. Her mommy looks great and Abbey and Carson MUST do it all!